Code Blue
by Rixton
Summary: She was torn, between her past and the need for revenge and her future and the protection of her family. Jane/Maura
1. Chapter 1

"I idolised you Pa…you know that…" She rested her back against the kitchen wall, her usual strength drained, her adult self was diluted away under the gaze of the father she hadn't seen in over a year. Many family gatherings, birthdays and a Christmas had passed without so much of a call, a card or an acknowledgment.

"Janie..." He started, stepping forward he went in to place a hand on her arm. Jane recoiled into herself wrapping her arms around her waste, Frank acknowledged the discomfort and held his hand back from contact before letting it drop with disappointment to his side. He turned away from her with a sadness he knew he was responsible for creating. The sadness was soon replaced with an anger that burned fierce – within only a few moments it had engulfed his whole body.

Jane saw his shoulders straighten, his fists ball, the muscles in his neck and back tense against the shirt. "I…think you should…leave" she said slowly, softly.

"Leave" He barked, spinning to face her, "your kicking you father out onto the streets, this level of disrespect… I never expected this from you Jane" there was still a distance between them, he was no longer an arms width away from contact. The kitchen island separated them.

"You lost my respect Pa, the moment you walked away from your family – disappeared into the night. You left us to pick up the pieces of the mess that was our world, a world your destroyed." Janes own anger was now present, "Ma was out on the streets Pa, left with the debt you'd clocked up over the years…left with the shame…"

"Shame…" Frank cut off his daughter, "you don't know shame Janie!" The name was said in a manor so different to the earlier utterance of the pet name he'd used since she was his little girl. Whereas earlier when his hand was just short of a comforting placement of the woman's upper arm he'd spoken to her softly, he now spat her name with disgust "Shame is your daughter getting herself knocked up by some nobody and left holding the baby. Shame is finding out from my brother in New York that apparently my daughter is shacking up with some woman. You're a mess Jane…your…"

"Your leaving!" A voice calmly and sternly spoke the order without falter. Maura surveyed the scene in front of her, Jane still rested against the kitchen wall at the side of the refrigerator looking nothing like the usual pillar of strength that over the years of their friendship Maura had become accustom to. The Detective was a stranger in this moment and this was concerning – she'd known the relationship between Frank Sr and Jane was strained but the situation she'd stepped into that was playing out in her kitchen appeared more than simply a strained family relationship.

Frank turned his attention to the blond who neither Jane not he had noticed enter into the property via the back door. "Let me show you out"

"Just go Pa" Jane stepped away from the wall now, the reality that Maura was now involved in this mess made her step up. She would not allow Frank to treat anyone like he treated her. "Don't assume you know me… I'm not the daughter you left when you walked away"

"No you are correct...you're not my daughter, you're just a disappointment Jane. I will leave you to your… arrangement" He looked from his daughter to Maura, then back to his daughter. He turned and walked out of the front door slamming it behind him.

Jane's hand moved back to her waste as she leant back against the wall staring at the now closed door. Maura had made her way over, a hand against the brunette's shoulder – a touch Jane did not recoil from. "Jane…are you okay?" She shook her head no, her father's words still echoing around her racing mind. "come and sit down…"

Jane agreed, and left the wall – heading over to the sofa Maura headed to the fridge and pulled from it a bottle of beer – and twisted the bottle top as she followed the Detectives path to the living room. Thankfully Danny was being looked after by Angela and was due to be returned in a couple of hours so it would give Jane some time to recover from the emotional attack that Maura had witnessed before having to take up the role of mother as well as facing her own mother.

"I'm sorry you walked into that" Jane said as she reached up for the bottle being offered from the Doctor. Maura sat on the sofa to Jane's right – her hand rested on Jane's knee.

"Don't apologise…however do you want to explain what it is I walked into?"

"family bonding" Jane smirked and shrugged. Here it was, so quickly to return back to her usual distant self whenever it came to emotion, the humour Jane used to cover her pain or hurt, the front the Italian had perfected over many years of family turmoil and emotional situations her role as Homicide Detective at BPD had confronted her with. Maura's provided her with an understanding smile that was laced with sadness – Jane read it as pity – she looked down to the beer bottle in her hand. "I don't even know how he found out your address… he's just had too much to drink; he'll sleep it off." She explained. It always amazed Maura how quickly Jane could justify the actions of Frank Rizzoli.

Maura would not disagree with Jane – the older Rizzoli who'd stood in her Kitchen moments earlier had drank a substantial amount of alcohol. Maura had her own anger building up in her chest - the way her wife was sinking into herself when she'd walked into the kitchen against the side of the refrigerator - was not a healthy or acceptable situation. "What did he want Jane?"

"At first… to act like he hadn't disappeared for the last year, as if it was a normal Saturday catch up where he invited me to a ball game with him." Jane shook her head anger building up, "he always wants something… he eventually got to it... he wanted to borrow some cash pay off some betting debts – and what he called a business deal gone wrong!" Jane looked up from the beer bottle to the blond and shrugged her shoulders she gestured with a side nod to the house "thinks I'm good for it now..."

"I see…" Maura nods, "…because of your arrangement" Hurt and anger flared again in Janes chest as she made eye contact with the woman at her side.

"I should have…said something… I just…froze… like I was a kid again…I…"

"Jane, stop…it's alright…" She squeezed the leg of the clearly angered woman, reassuringly she brought her hand up and cupped the brunettes face, "I don't need you to justify our relationship to anyone…I don't want you to…especially to a Man who has so little respect for his own daughter let alone anyone else… I'm more concerned with making sure you're okay after what he said in there"

Jane shrugged it off, "I'm fine…he's said worse"

"not the point"

"I really don't want to do this…" Jane stood up from the sofa, stood away from the comforting hands - "sorry" the apology was a lot quieter. She turned walking back into the kitchen – taking her jacket from the back of one of the stools at the breakfast bar she then walked out of the back door that Maura had entered through.

The door closed shut with more force than usual - Maura's head dropped in her hands, elbows rested on her knees – a mixture of frustration, anger and hurt racing through her. The words raced through her mind, over and over.

" _Shame is your daughter getting herself knocked up by some nobody and left holding the baby. Shame is finding out from my brother in New York that apparently my daughter is shacking up with some woman. You're a mess Jane"_

Maura could usually control her anger, more so that her wife, except when it came to her wife. When someone hurt her wife. Standing from the sofa herself she walked back into the kitchen kicking off her heels on her way – she reached for the bottle of red that was already open on the counter and reached for a glass from the cupboard slamming it shut in one movement happy with the sound that resonated around the ground floor of their home.

Another point of annoyance – this time the words that Jane had spoken

" _I don't even know how he found out your address…"_

What more did Maura need to do to make this their home? Their family? She turned with the glass now in hand taking a healthy mouthful – leaning back against the counter top.

* * *

The hours passed Jane keeping herself out of the way other than entering house to refill the beer stock. She didn't make much of an effort to speak with the blond, wanting to avoid any form of communication for as long as possible.

Maura was attempting to busy herself in the living room with the latest medical journal – although reading through it was providing difficult as this was her third attempt looking over one particular article – she could not focus.

The sound of the front door brought her out of her thoughts, looking at her watch she was sure it would be Angela dropping of Danny. She stood up from the sofa, leaning forward placing her glass and the journal on the side she walked to the main entrance of their home. She pulled open the door and smiled softly, welcoming her mother in law with a hushed voice so as not to wake the sleeping boy held in her arms "Angela…come in…" She stood to the side.

"Maura, I thought you were on a late this evening…" She kissed softly against the blond's cheek as a greeting and then offered the sleeping boy to her. Maura softly lifted Danny from Angela's arms bringing him close to her chest – his form still sleeping deeply. She lent her lips down and placed them softly against the infants head.

"I was… however I had a quiet shift so… took advantage of it" She left out the part about her plans to come home early and take advantage of the few hours alone with a certain brunette. She had planned to wine and dine with the Detective's favourite take out and six pack. "...please…come in"

Angela shut the front door and slipped off her jacket hanging it on the coat stand, she followed the blond further into the house that was unusually quiet considering her daughter should also be around. "Would you like to help yourself to a drink, I will just place Danny down in his crib"

"Of course dear…please don't rush"

Angela had poured herself an iced tea and taken a seat at the breakfast bar, waiting for Maura to return however before the Doctor returned from upstairs the door that lead from the courtyard into the kitchen opened and her daughter walked in. "Hi Janie…" Angela beamed.

Jane looked up startled, "Ma…" She faltered slightly, looking around to see who else was here. Maura no longer sat on the sofa. She shut the kitchen door, "I didn't realise the time … sorry … hey" she walked towards her mother placing a quick kiss on the older woman cheek before making her way around the other side of the island aware that she'd carry the aroma of beer and cigarette smoke and wanting to avoid a lecture. She was lightheaded from the beers she'd worked through but sadly the emotion hadn't lifted, that was as heavy as it had been earlier. "Hows Danny… where…"

"He's wonderful Janie…" Jane was filled with discomfort at the use of the nickname that has only hours earlier been spoken with such disdain. "So wonderful… he is out cold, Maura's just putting him up to bed"

Jane nodded, feeling a sense of guilt as to her current condition now her son was back home. She should be up there tucking him in with her wife, kissing his head, softly reassuring him with love and turning off his light shutting closed his door. Instead she was half drunk, in the kitchen, thinking of how to avoid conversations with anyone that would require her to utter more than a couple of words at a time. "thanks for looking after him today Ma, I really appreciate it"

"Any time sweetie. I love having my Grandson" Jane didn't doubt it at all. Angela lived for family. "Everything okay dear?" Angela had not missed the smell of smoke and beer that was still lingering even through Jane had crossed to the other side of the kitchen. "You get done what you needed to today?"

"Fine…" Jane nodded, avoiding eye contact by lifting up the post on the counter top that she'd already thumbed through earlier that day to check for anything marked for her attention. She knew all the letters in her hand were for Maura. "Just had to run a few errands… Non-Danny-friendly errands" Jane forced a smile – trying to appear normal.

"Well dear…like I said…anytime" She read the situation in front of her and knew when her only daughter needed space, something she was trying more and more to acknowledge and act upon. "Well, thank you for the ice tea…I should head home…"

"Angela…" Maura had just appeared from the stairs, "You heading out so soon?" She walked back over to the kitchen, letting her eyes check her wife who was now also stood in the kitchen, before looking back to their guest.

"Oh yes dear… I have a plan that involves a soak in the bath and a little night cap so I will leave you two laddies to your evening… be safe both of you" She looks to her daughter and the worry is not missed by Maura who is sure has her own worry mirroring back at Angela.

"Well, let me show you out" And with a last glance at her wife who had now reached back to the fridge – Maura guided Angela to the door.

As Angela slipped on her jacket, she lowered her voice and questioned, "Is she okay?"

"She will be" Maura reassured. Hoping she was right.

* * *

Maura walked back from having shown Angela out to find Jane still in the kitchen. Leaning against the kitchen counter – bottle of water now in hand. "Hey…" Maura stood at the side of the counter wanting to respect the space Jane had clearly needed. The smell of smoke strong, a tell of Jane's, when things were all getting to much a pack of smokes and a lingering smell and taste of whisky on Jane's lips wouldn't be uncommon. It seemed, the whisky was not being sought tonight… a good sign Maura hoped.

"hey…" She took a mouthful of the cold water, there were uncomfortable moments of silence before she spoke again "…I'm going to grab a shower…and give Danny a goodnight kiss…"

Maura was disappointed that Jane was going out of her way to create distance, and while she wanted to be supportive she could not help but also allow the frustration to take hold. As she watched the brunette head to the stairs she called out to her – "I think the shower would be a good move first…you smell like a bar"

Jane could have let this pass, carried on her way up the stairs, but a rage she'd been holding back for hours now came to the surface. "Really … you want to do this with me this evening?" Jane barked spinning back to face the blond.

"I don't know what you need from me Jane" Maura's voice was calm and level – honest.

"Well, going on today's events looks like I need you to save me from my Pa, looks like I need you to support a broke ass cop and raise my kid… you happy with our little arrangement Honey?" Jane barked out.

"your Kid?" Maura was trying not to bite but Jane knew what she was doing right now, she knew how to pick a fight with the blond in order to push her away and she was good at it. "Our Arrangement?" she shook her head, taking a deep breath she glared into the brown eyes of a woman who was right now on a rout of self-destruction "I warn you now Jane – do not refer to our marriage, to our life as an arrangement. You need to stop letting people take advantage of your insecurities… stop calling this my home, my money…" Jane's eyes burned fiercer – in turn so did Maura's. "…you said I DO…to me to all of me, so take it and let me have all of you!"

"You want that mess of a woman you walked in on earlier huh? You still attracted to that weak mess who was cowering in the corner of your kitchen"

"OUR KITCEHN!" Maura demanded, "and yes…I'm as in love with you this evening as I was this morning, as in love with you as I was the day we married… I LOVE YOU! I need you. Look at what you are letting him do to you Jane… look at what your letting him do to us"

"No hon.. this is not him…" Jane held her arms out ward "I'm doing this to us! I'm hurting us! I'm…"

"Honey" Maura said calmly, she had made her way to the brunette and was now directly in front of Jane; her hands rested on each side of the taller woman's waste, their bodies close – she needed to take hold of this spiralling situation. Defuse the anger before things got to far…she was happy to be Jane's out let…. but not at the detriment to their relationship – she would protect them as a unit as best she could.

Jane however did not want this contact, this was too much in the condition she was currently in – she took hold of Maura's wrists softly and removed them from her stepping back. The hurt in her woman's eyes made her feel as worthless as her father's words earlier that day. "I've been going to the bridge Maura…every day…!" Jane confessed. "How can you love me so deeply so fully when your shearing my heart …with a god damn dead man…" she stood unmoved, not breaking eye contact with the blond - she hated the pain she was causing, and she hated that she couldn't stop –"you're sharing me with a ghost!"


	2. Chapter 2

Sleep was not an option for her, not after all that had unfolded since she had stepped into their kitchen that evening. Instead she was just lay in the darkness of their bedroom, in an empty bed looking up at the ceiling above her. Absently her thumb rolled her wedding band around her ring finger as she replayed the evening, wondering how she could have approached this differently in order to reach a move favourable outcome. Ideally one where she ended up lay with the brunette.

Turning her head to the left, across the emptiness to the side her wife would usually occupy, Maura read the red flashing digits on the clock sat on the best side table. 4:14. This was unnatural, usually if Maura was lay awake worrying about Jane it was because she was out on a case, pulling in some extra hours to make sure they caught their guy not across the courtyard in their guest house. Giving in to the worry Maura pushed back the covers and stood out into the cool early morning – she lifted her dressing gown from the chair she'd rested it over and left the bedroom.

She walked past Danny's room and glanced around the door that had been left ajar, in the distance she could see the subtle raise and fall of his chest, the soft breaths a welcomed sound – at least one Rizzoli was content. She listened for a few moments more before closing shut the door fully and continuing on her way. She made it to the bottom of the stairs and then padded over to the desk situated at the back of the sofa – flicking on the lamp. Looking around the ground floor was empty, Jane was still in the guest house. With a disappointed sigh Maura headed for the kettle, unsure if she even wanted a hot tea but she welcomed the idea of a task that may for just a short moment afford her a break.

With the steaming mug of tea made and held between both of her hands Maura sat at the breakfast bar – eyes staring at the wall ahead of her. The wall where BPD's best detective was hours earlier cowered. Her mind filtered from this image to that of Jane confessing that daily visits are taking place to that bridge, that damned bridge. Maura's eyes blurred with emotion, with tears that she willed not to fall – she couldn't break now, she needed to be strong because the argument that had taken place that evening had confirmed what Maura already knew – Jane was not okay and Jane was not coping.

Taking a deep breath in order to gain composure, the blond stood from the stool – she made her way towards the door leading out into the courtyard and only faulted for a moment as she held onto the handle. She pushed open the door and stepped barefoot towards the guest house – tea in hand.

* * *

"I don't have the energy for round two" Jane's gruff Boston accent spoke, exhaustion and desperation laced her tone.

Maura had only just stepped in from the outside and shut the door behind her – she remained still for a moment surveying the scene in front of her. She didn't need to turn on a light, the TV in the living area was casting colour out across the room, Jane was sat on the sofa with one leg stretched out over the coffee table and the other folded underneath her. The sound on the TV was muted, she knew Jane well enough to know the Detective neither knew or cared what was on that screen, she was using it as a distraction from reliving what had played out between the two of them earlier.

"You're not the only one."

Jane did not look up from the screen, her back was to the door and she had no intention of changing this. Maura walked around to the opposite side of the sofa and took a seat. Maura didn't look to Jane, she instead focused on the TV screen. She lifted the mug of tea and took a sip, the first sip since she had made it – thankful it still held heat. Taking a second longer drink she then turned her head, she held the mug to her side offering to her wife.

Jane's eyes settled on the mug for a moment, she hesitated before reaching out and taking hold of the tea with her left hand. She couldn't bring herself to look up into Maura's gaze, she was so lost – somewhere in the depth of anger and regret, desire to create further distance and the need to be pulled in close. She looked down into the liquid as if seeking guidance on what she should do next. She takes a drink – and looks back out to the baseball game that flickers by in silence.

A few moments passed, Maura found herself running her thumb over her wedding band again. "I couldn't lay up there any longer, staring at the ceiling, replaying earlier…" she explained, she looked down to the band on her ring finger.

"Maur…I…" Jane stuttered.

Maura did not let her finish, she cut her off, turning her body fully now so she was facing her wife "I need you to come up to our bed J, I need you to lay next to me…"

"What if I can't… give you… what you need"

Maura knew that Jane was not just talking about tonight, not just about joining her back in their room - "Let me rephrase…" She moved her hand over the space that had parted them and placed it on Jane's wrist thankful she did not pull away. "…You need to come up to our bed, you need to lay next to me…you need to sleep and tomorrow we will talk…"

Jane swallowed, her emotions were so raw, she was breaking apart and she did not know how to hold herself together anymore. "I shouldn't have attacked you like I did earlier…it…was unfair"

Maura just nodded keeping eye contact with the clearly damaged Detective, "We will talk…tomorrow" she repeated. Maura had not come into the guest house to tell Jane everything was ok because it was not, right now very little was ok including their marriage – but Maura would not allow her wife to spiral further.

* * *

Jane stirred, unusually there was no distant cry of an infant, no shrills of her mobile ringing or soft words spoken from her wife pulling her from sleep – Jane was waking to silence. She opened her eyes genteelly and was shocked to see the room was light. Running her hand over her face she signed and turned her head to the clock – the digits flashed 10:02. She could not remember when she last slept till it was light out, Danny had her up for an early morning feed which always occurred before sunrise – Jane did not need to turn to the opposite side of the bed to know that it would be empty, she knew without looking who had taken todays early morning feed.

Her body ached all over, emotionally and physically she felt beaten. It had been just after 5:00am when she had followed Maura from the guest house back to their bed, it had been just before 5:55am that she recalled seeing the clock for the last time.

Pushing back the covers Jane headed in the direction of the shower. She needed to wash away the images that the four hours of sleep had allowed to play over and over in her mind. An unwanted home movie that she had no control of – the nightmares that she'd lied and told Maura she wasn't having anymore. She turned the heat of the shower on full, she wanted to be clean.

* * *

"…she didn't sleep to well Tommy" Maura explained as she rested the mobile between her shoulder and her ear as Danny lay in her arm, her only free hand holding the bottle as he fed. "…I know…. You have called me four times this morning already – as soon as she is up I will get her to call you…. Yes I will let her know. Bye Tommy" Maura allowed the mobile to drop next to her on the sofa as she looked down at the feeding infant.

"Your uncle is so impatient…" She cooed softly, "Wants me to go waking up your Ma…I don't think so… I didn't even let you wake her today did I …so he has no chance" She smiled, the large green eyes gazing up at her no reaction to her words just blinking between gulps of milk. Maura rocked the small child as he drank and watched as his eyes became heavy with exhaustion. "I know how you feel son" she smirked sadly – "It's a good job I love you…and your Ma…" she took the now empty bottle from his mouth softly and placed it on the coffee table before sitting forward and continuing to cradle his now sleeping form. "…your both worth the lack of sleep" she concluded.

"He may be worth it… not so sure I am"

Maura was startled by the voice behind her that she felt her body jump, "Oh…Jane…" She gasped, turning her head she saw the freshly showered form standing in the doorway, "you scared me…"

"sorry…You should have woken me, I would have got up to him" She explained walking into the living room and sitting next to Maura on the sofa allowing her hand to rest over Danny's head as she stroked him softly, lovingly.

"You needed sleep J… plus…I can take care of our son for a morning." Intentionally Maura bit, it felt good – for a second.

"I know you can …" Jane nods, the statement of Danny being theirs did not go amiss. Guilt filtered into Jane's chest - she moved her hand from his head and placed it on Maura's leg.

"Grab a coffee Jane, and for god sake call your brother before he calls me again… I brought your mobile from the bedroom and placed it in the kitchen so that you weren't disturbed from your sleep. The only person clocking up missed calls is Tommy." Jane did not know what Tommy would want this side of midday, she didn't even know her youngest brother ever say this side of midday, she brushed it off.

"Maur… last night, can we… I need to explain…" The mobile to Maura's side sounded again, Jane growled in frustration.

Maura stood up from the sofa, "You should take that…he will only call again." She walked over to where the Moses basket for Danny sat and she lay him down for his Nap. How she has wished she could nap, the lack of sleep and constant worry was catching up with her. Jane tried to ignore the ringing

"Maur…"

"Take the call Jane, I'm going to shower"

Jane grabbed the handset as she watched Maura exit up the stairs, "WHAT Tommy!" she barked in frustration, "No its perfect god damn timing...what can I do for you" sarcasm dripped from her words as she sat forward allowing her head to fall into the hand that wasn't holding the phone. "Yeah I know Pa's back in town…"


	3. Chapter 3

" _Rizzoli…beer time"_

" _It's half three in the morning Anderson, what kind of Bar you dragging me to at this time of the morning?" Jane didn't look up from her computer, typing away to complete the paperwork to finalise the case they'd just closed._

" _No bar…we are going to the only place in boston with a fully stocked fridge where a re-run of the game we missed on Saturday is showing"_

 _Before Jane had a chance to turn and question him further she felt her jacket hit her across the back of the head. "Hey" She hollered grabbing hold of the leather, pulling it around to her front she swung her chair to face him, "What the hell are you doing!"_

" _Listen Partner… we have been in this god damn prescient for the last two weeks non-stop chasing that bastard! We finally got him…you are not sitting here doing paper work. Pick up the jacket and lets go …" He barked – "I recorded the game at yours, I know your fridge is stocked…why are we still here?"_

" _Why are you coming to mine?" Jane barked back, standing from the chair realising that the paper work was not getting finished tonight. She roughly pushed an arm into her jacket and the followed with the second._

" _BEER…GAME…both of these are at yours…what are you not getting?"_

" _I have been with you, NON-STOP, for two weeks… I'm going home, grabbing a shower, drinking my beers and going to bed!"_

" _great…fine…I'm not stopping you and while you are doing this…I will be drinking your beer, on your sofa, watching the game. Come on…I'll drive" He turned heading to the lift._

 _Jane growled lowly, dragging her gun and phone from her desk she clipped them to her belt, then taking her keys she took off after him. "Do you not have an apartment? Why is it we always end up at mine?"_

" _I can't bring you back to mine…what if one of my ladies sees and gets the wrong idea?" He smirked, hitting the button for ground floor. She rolled her eyes as the doors closed shut. "...anyway…"_

" _Yeah yeah …" She cut him off "the beer… its at mine…I get it" Jane rested her head back against the lift wall, "Why do I fear there will never be a morning where I don't wake up to you lurking around my house? Using all my hot water? Bitching about my Coffee?"_

* * *

A single, angry tear escaped and tumbled down her cheek – however its existence was short lived as she wiped it away with the back of her hand roughly. She felt like she needed to jump back into the shower, under the burning water to wash away the pain in her chest. She turned and walked over to the kitchen sink, turning on the tap she held her hands out palm up under the hot water, this would have to do.

This is what Maura walked back in on, she'd managed to grab a shower, apply her makeup and dress – she felt a lot more human that she had an hour earlier despite not having had any sleep. She stood at the kitchen island for a moment analysing Jane, who stayed un moved – the brunette was staring down at her hands, not moving them, just letting them sit there under the scalding heat. "Jane…" Maura spoke but there was no reaction, "Jane…" again nothing. The Doctor in Maura wanted to take over, but the wife in her won, stepping just behind the Detective Maura placed her right hand against Jane's lower back and with her left hand turned off the water. Jane jumped at the unexpected contact.

"Jesus Christ Maura…You scared the hell out of me." She gasped, "Don't…. don't sneak up on me like that…" Jane's breathing was fast, panicked. Maura had moved herself so she was now stood directly in front of Jane; he hands on either side of her hips.

"Hon…I called you…multiple times." Maura looked from the still distressed eyes of the taller woman down to where Jane's hands were now held at her sides, still damp and showing redness from the heat of the water. "What are you doing sweetie"

"I'm sorry…I was… in my own world."

"I noticed." Maura, looked back up into Jane's eyes, "I think it's time we talk" she turned from Jane and headed into the living area. There was no need to instruct her to follow – Jane had been married long enough now to know that following and sitting and talking right now was her only option.

"You know…it's a nice day out…Danny…he's been stuck in for the last two days…maybe we should go for a walk. To the park…" Jane rambled a little as she watched Maura check in on the still sleeping infant, before turning and heading back to the sofa. They both took a seat.

"Nice try…" Maura smiled softly, sadly. "… later" She explained, "Right now…we really need to talk."

"yeah…" Jane agreed, through agreeing to talk and actually talking were two very different things. "Please don't ask me for a divorce" Jane begged, it was intended as a joke to break the ice however as she spoke the words it was laced with very real fear. Reaching over she took Maura's hand in hers, "Last night…I stepped…way out of line."

"I don't want a divorce J; I want an explanation" Maura took a breath, "I need you to explain"

Jane shrugged, "Honestly, I don't know if I can explain" she forced herself to maintain eye contact, "I don't know where to start"

"The bridge?" Maura offered. Jane shook her head, not the place to start. Maura did not agree, "When did you start going back to the bridge?"

"About …" Jane sighed, as if sharing was causing her physical pain, "three weeks ago…"

"Everyday?"

Jane nodded yes. "I'm … I'm not …coping…" she offered, "Maura I'm drowning here and I don't know what to do" it was the first time Jane had admitted out loud that she was not ok, the first time she felt like she'd completely lost her self. "Then, Pa shows up at our door… it was just…too much. I can usually take his crap but yesterday…I'd had a bad day…" Jane's low sad tones turned to a growl, her voice still low but now it dripped with anger "Such a bad fucking day."

"You haven't seen that Doctor have you" Maura did not need Jane to confirm this, she'd known ever since finding the appointment card with the date and time of the scheduled meeting Maura had arranged on behalf of her wife screwed up and thrown on the back seat of the detective's car. That was weeks ago, but Maura had not wanted to push.

"I don't need a shrink" She pulled her hands back form Maura and they found themselves wrapping around her own body, holding herself. "I don't…"

"Are you sure about that Jane? The grief, the guilt…it's not any better… you're getting worse. I feel like I'm losing you" Maura again chose honesty over protecting Jane's feelings. The time for walking on egg shells had long passed in Maura's opinion. "Day by day… a little more"

Jane took a breath, she felt anger and panic merging together, "I don't need some stranger… telling me they know what I'm feeling, telling me…they understand" Janes hands balled into fists. "You really think a little chit chat for an hour a week will make me forget … they knelt him down next to me…they…" Jane swallowed, she stopped talking and closed her eyes as the events of the night played out again. She stood up abruptly. "No…No…" She shook the image from her mind. She'd started to hyperventilate. Maura was on her feet at Jane's side.

She placed her body flush with Jane's side, she wrapped an arm around her wife's back. "Hey…I got you. Breath…breath" She soothed. Jane had closed her eyes. She felt Maura press her lips against her neck. "Breath J"

Maura had read the reports from that night, she knew what had happened on that bridge – she had her own nightmares as a result – not that she had let Jane know. The last thing the brunette needed was one more thing to worry about. Maura guided jane back to the sofa and sat close to her now. "I want to be your wife; I want to be Danny's Ma… but right now…I'm struggling to just be me." Jane confessed. "Help me Maur…please…" Now tears ran freely from the deep brown of Jane's eyes as she buried her face into Maura's neck, she sobbed.

"I've got you!"

* * *

"You're the cutest…You know that Kid!"

It had been a few hours since her earlier melt down a long shower, a lunch and a few coffees has managed to turn her day arround - she was happy to be spending some time with her family –Jane smile as she sat on the sofa legs crossed under her with the giggling, wriggling baby boy on her lap. "Just too damn cute…"

"Jane…language" Maura barked softly from the opposite end of the sofa, where she'd been sat reading through a report. She looked over it to a smirking Jane. "…if you're not careful Danny's going to sound like he's been raised by a bunch of sailors." Her own smile rose to her lips as she watched the brunette playing with their son.

"You got me in trouble little man!"

"You're a good mother Jane" Maura meant that, the last six months Jane has been going through her own personal hell, but she never let that affect their son. She could pull herself from whatever she was dealing with at the sound of Danny stirring.

"We…we are good mothers" Jane's voice had turned serious as she shifted Danny's position to be cradled against her chest as she looked over his head to make eye contact with the blond. Maura nodded her head once and smiled softly. "I just want to protect him from the world Maur… protect us all from the world" a hint of sadness flashed in her eyes as she knew it was too late to protect herself and Maura, she corrected herself again, "I want to protect him."

A comfortable silence fell back over the family again, until Jane turned her head to look at Maura "I have been thinking Maur…it's time for me to go back to work."

"Your only six months into your maternity leave Honey, you still have another three months left…" Maura gave Jane her full attention now. "where's this coming from"

"I think it's what I need, to get the old Jane back, so I can step up to being your wife...his Ma. I mean... it's not like I'm going to be jumping back into rotation next week… I just wanted to let you know… I made the call. I'm going to get back to training, get my fitness up…start the process. Tt's what I need. I think it's what we need."


	4. Chapter 4

Jane gasped for breath, she could not believe how unfit she was. Her usual time and distance was nowhere in sight – she was instead now bent over in front of her mother's house, hands on her knees breathing deeply and fighting a stitch. "Oh God…" she gasped, "you need to stop eating for two Rizzoli" she scolded herself with a last deep breath before she forced herself to stand straight.

The early evening was falling upon Boston and the city was lulling a little, Jane was thankful to be out of the house and away from her wifes worried gaze. She knew right now the concerned tone of both Maura and Angela would be filling her mother's kitchen as the older Italian rocked her grandson to sleep discussing how Jane was not holding up too well. She did not need to be around this, their tone, their gazes, their concern.

She made her way over to the porch, taking a seat on the middle of the five steps that led to the front door of the small town house that her mother had recently moved into. When her Pa had walked out on Angela, Jane had watched their lives crumble – her mother lost everything from their family home to her car. She was pleased that she had managed to start again, it had taken her a few years of living in Maura's guest house and pulling any shift she could get her hands on by now Angela Rizzoli was here a new house, a new outlook on life, a chance to be happy outside of the lie that was her marriage.

Jane had managed to avoid her Pa since the kitchen encounter, both her brothers had repeatedly tried to drag her into the dramas over the last week but she found having baby to look after gave her many perfect excuses to not show up at the family meetings, the decisions on how best to resolve the latest mess that her father had gotten himself into. Frank Sr did not stick around for this length of time if all was in order in his life, but this time Jane really didn't have a care as to what the latest issue was – which was unlike her, but in all honesty there were times where she struggled to care about anything, days where she felt she was auto pilot.

"So it's true… Mrs and Mrs Rizzoli finally grace us with their presence." Jane was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of her younger brother who was approaching the steps she was sat on. A smile on his face, "God you look like hell" he tells her.

Jane was just thankful that her breathing had now returned to normal and that she was no longer grabbing at her side to dull the pain of her poor fitness. "thanks little brother" Jane barked, "Mrs Rizzoli is in the kitchen with Ma feel free to join them, I however am planning on leaving you all to this family Sunday meal and taking myself to a bar. You are not helping change my mind!" She smirked softly as she dug her elbow into her brother ribs as he took a seat next to her.

"How you doing Janie?" He asked.

"I'm fat, out of shape and sleep deprived… but you have a god damn good looking nephew in there who makes this all bearable so I can't complain."

At the mention of his nephew Frankie couldn't help but smirk, "You did good sis" He agreed, "So is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"that you are planning on a return"

Jane shrugged her shoulders, "Its time"

"Your telling me….it's not the same at HQ without you and…" Frankie stopped, looking down to his hands

"You can say his name around me Frankie" She tells him.

"yeah…I know" Frankie stood up from where he was sat, he looked around the front year and then back to his older sister "So… you have two options Janie…a game of one on one" He nodded his head to the basketball hoop situated over the garage door, "or…we go in and join the family"

Jane shook her head, "I promised Maura I would stay out of trouble tonight…she didn't want to end up being doctor on call so we have been barred from contact spot."

"Family dinner without a bit of one on one…I think I need to have a word with your wife" Frankie took the steps up to the house two at a time.

Jane stood smiling and followed him, "you won't win…trust me!"

* * *

"Seriously Tommy…Ma's in the next room, my heads spinning and there isn't enough beer in this house to keep listening to you going on about Pa!" Jane growled. She had her son against her chest rocking him softly. She was pacing infornt of the window - Tommy had shown up a little over an hour and a half ago and he hadn't stopped talking to Jane about their father.

"Jane" Tommy gasped, a low begging tone. "Please…he's been on my couch since he got back, I don't have a spear room to put him in. He's hit a rough patch"

"He creates the rough patches Tommy…" Jane began but was cut off by

"I'm sober…I can't have Pa sat in my living room nocking back whiskey like there's no tomorrow" The desperation in Tommy's eyes did not go a miss. Jane felt tension setting in at the base of her neck across her shoulders. "You just dumped it all on us"

"I didn't dump anything on you. He showed up at my home, disrespecting my wife, my son, making me feel like hell. I'm not strong enough to have him near me right now Tom." Jane looked from her younger brother to her son "Usually I'm all for being his verbal punching bag till his next mess passes over and he up and leaves but the way he showed up at my home the other night. I can't do it this time. "

Tommy lent his head on his hands, he was beyond frustrated. "Fine… how about a family meal with Pa."

"look… I give in… I will come over for a coffee maybe tomorrow morning. All three of us… I will see if Frankie is off shift and we will try and fix this mess."

"Hey…foods up" Frankie shouted from the kitchen.

Jane continued to rock the young boy in her arms "I'm going to put Danny down in his crib. Tell them not to wait..."

"Sure thing."

* * *

 _Maura Isles pushed open the front door into Jane's apartment. She stepped over a couple of jackets, and tripped on a pair of boots, too large to be Janes. She'd only brought the two coffees for her and Jane not thinking the brunette would have company. As she stepped further in and shut the door behind her she heard the moaning from the sofa._

" _Morning Detective" She called out._

" _Oh god…what time is it!" Anderson covered his face with his arm to block out the daylight. "Please no…" he willed this to be a dream and for him to still be asleep._

" _10am" Maura informed him. She walked over and placed a coffee in front of him, her coffee. "I think you need this more than me"_

 _Moving his arm her looked to the coffee table at the large coffee the Dr had placed down. "Oh god…thanks Doc. I've only been asleep for four hours…"_

" _I'm surprised you managed that on Jane's sofa. I take it she's in the bedroom."_

 _She didn't wait for a response beyond the grunt, she knew very well where she would find the brunette who by the look of Anderson, would also be in need of the large triple shot coffee she'd collected on the way over. "Oh and Detective…" she called back, "you may want to allow that caffeine do its job… we have a body"_

" _Not my shift today Doc" He replied._

" _turn your phone on… we are all being called in on this one."_

 _Anderson picked his work phone up from the floor, "Shit" he cursed, the battery completely dead._

 _She continued on her way to the bedroom to break the news to Jane also. She'd been asked by Korsak to go in search of Jane as he hadn't been able to get hold of both her or Anderson their phones going to voice mail. Maura had limited information from the calls she'd received to date first from dispatch and then from Korsak, all she knew was the body warranted all of them being pulled in on their first day off after closing up on a big case – this was the last thing any of them had planned for or needed._

 _Maura took a deep breath at the door to the bedroom readying herself for the confrontation with Jane, she knew even the three espresso shots in the coffee wouldn't cure the Italian's anger at being dragged back to BPD after only just escaping._


	5. Chapter 5

"My god…I didn't think he would ever go down tonight!" Jane sighed, exhaustion of the day taking its toll as she headed over to the sofa and let her body sink back into it. She lent her head back and closed her eyes – it had been a long day.

"He was over stimulated by the uncles I think" Maura responded with a smile. "If we'd stayed any longer they would have had him outside playing basketball with you all!" She walked from the kitchen counter to the coffee table in front of Jane and placed down an open bottle of beer with her own glass of wine.

"Hey…I kept my promise…no contact sport took place." Jane defended, she had avoided it despite numerous request from both Frankie and Tommy.

"Jane…I walked in on you wrestling for the remote like you were a teenager" Maura scolded.

"Frankie started it!" Jane now opened her eyes, a smirk playing over her lips as she leant forward for the beer bottle. Maura just shook her head, leaning back against her corner of the sofa, her left leg folded underneath herself. She'd given Jane space today, but she had picked up on the heated conversations between the Detective and her sibling and she had also found herself pulled in on a few of them – however Maura Isles knew when to intervene and when to step back – and today was mostly a step back kind of day – until now that was.

As the Doctor sipped on the cool wine, she pondered on what angle to approach the brunette – there were two major issues causing her wife and herself turmoil at present and Maura knew Jane really would not want to discuss either. Breaking into the comfortable silence Maura had made a decision – she would start with Frank Senior, "Are you going to meet up with Frank, Tommy and your Father tomorrow."

Jane sighed, she knew this would be coming up during the course of the evening but she'd hoped to have gotten through her first beer before it had. She should have known better, in all the years herself and Maura had been in a relationship the blond was not one to hold back. If a discussion was needed a discussion would be had. "Do we need to discuss this now!" Jane attempted, she turned to her wife and placed a hand on her thigh – her thumb moving in suggestive circles – "I can think of a better was to get over the stress of a Rizzoli Family dinner" Jane smirked.

"Hold on to that thought for later" Maura advised as she placed a hand over Janes- she did this for two reasons – one to ensure the brunette did not allow her hand to move up any higher as Maura had only so much self-control when it came to the other woman, second reason was reassurance, she wanted Jane to know she was here for her "right now… we need to talk"

Jane sighed again, her head falling back on the sofa where it had been pre-beer. "Why do we, my Fathers in town so we can fix another mess for him, my Ma has no clue despite Tommy's big mouth this afternoon, and I'm still pissed about the way he attacked me in the kitchen and that I couldn't handle him myself and you needed to step in… there you're all caught up." Jane moved her hand from where it had been placed on Maura's leg and began to pick at the label on her beer bottle before taking another mouthful.

"I'm worried about…"

"Please don't say your worried about me…because I know you are…every time I look into your eyes." Jane spoke calmly cutting Maura off, she was not looking for a fight with her wife tonight, she was looking for a little normality. She was so sick of seeing and feeling the concern from Maura the look of pity. She got enough of that from her family, her colleagues, the neighbours who were all aware of who she was and what Jane Rizzoli had been through. She wanted to feel like her old self, she wanted her wife too look at her how she used to. She wanted to feel strong and in control again.

"Jane…" Maura stopped her, although she does worry about Jane that was not what she was going to say "It's Tommy - I'm worried about Tommy"

This pulled Jane from her ramblings, "Tommy?" Jane asked.

Maura nodded, "I know your Father's been staying with him and I know how your father effects each of you – and I'm worried for Tommy's sobriety. When I was speaking with him earlier today… I can see the strain it's having…"

Jane sighed, she had been worrying about this also, long before her brother had sat down with her at their Ma's earlier in the day. She knew that having Frank around Tommy was not a good combination. "I know … that's why I'm going over there tomorrow morning. There's no way I'm sitting around having dinner with him watching him sink scotch and turn into an asshole – but I think I can manage a breakfast and see what's really going on."

Maura nodded, "Well…I've been thinking about what Tommy was saying earlier – and I wanted to talk to you about…if you feel it appropriate or necessary after you meet tomorrow … offering your Father the guest house while he gets back on his feet"

"You're kidding me right?" Jane could not believe the words had left Maura's mouth. "the Father who doesn't except you as my wife, who treat's me quite frankly like crap as soon a couple of drinks pass his lips and who talks about our son like he is the biggest mistake his slut of a daughter has ever made. you want me to offer him the guest house?"

Maura sat forward, "honey…listen to me… I know your fathers not perfect, I know your relationship is strained… is it the most ideal set up? No it's not but he is your family and I don't see another option."

"He's an abusive, cheating alcoholic who never gave a damn about his family so why should his family give a damn about him?" Maura let the question linger, she knew Jane did not want an answer.

"Listen…J…" Maura sat forward, her hand placing itself on Jane's knee "…it's an option, an option I want you to know you have if you want to use it, I just want you to know you have my support" If Maura was honest, the last thing she wanted was that man in their house, near their family or putting her wife through any more than she had already been though in the last year – however she also knew that Frank Senior was still family, Jane still loved her father, and she also knew that her wife deep down would do anything for her family no matter how they treated her.

Jane sighed, the anger she had in her dulling to sadness, "It's pathetic…that I still want his approval. I want him to get to know you, to get to know our son, to learn about my life and not just judge it on the opinion he's formed over time from a distance. I want my Pa back Maur." Jane swallowed back the emotion that honesty brought with it. The label on the beer bottle had now completely been removed, picked away little by little and Jane had no other option but to turn and face Maura.

"I know you do."

"It just pisses me off…that he shows up when he needs us… but where is he when we need him? Where was he when I was left for dead, bleeding out on some Boston street?" hearing Jane say it out loud always took Maura aback. It brought her back to that night – to memories of the phone call, flashbacks of running into the hospital not knowing if she was a widow or still had a wife, the images of Jane filtering through her mind that she could never un-see. "where was he when I gave birth to his Grandson? where was he at our wedding?" Jane listed off multiple events where her father had let her down, unaware Maura was still wrestling with the memories of the first event.

Before either of them could continue the phone in Jane's pocket sounded, Maura looked at her watch – it was half eleven in the evening she wondered who would be calling at this time. Jane silenced the call, not taking it and placed her phone on the table in front of her.

"You not taking it?" Maura asked, again taking the cool wine in her mouth.

"Not right now" Jane explained with a tired sigh, she stood to her feet and held out her hand for Maura's glass "Top up?" Jane took the glass and headed for the kitchen.

"Thank you" If there was ever a night or conversation where more wine was required now was one of them. As she awaited Jane's return the phone on the coffee table vibrated and sounded to indicate an incoming message. Maura pondered a while, the caller wasn't one of Jane's family as they would not be so patient to wait for Jane to return a text message – if Jane does not answer they default to calling Maura no matter the time, day or night.

"So…" Jane returned with the wine and the beer taking a seat this time closer to Maura "enough talk about my Pa... that's tomorrows problem" she placed the drinks on the coffee table and she turned herself leaning forward she kissed Maura deeply while her free hand moved to Maura's waist. She expertly moved her fingers under the top till she found her hand placed against the skin of her wife. "Right now…all I want is you"

Maura could taste the scotch on Jane's breath but noted no scotch has been brought back with her from the kitchen. The distinctive taste and smell of the dark liquor was a tell-tale sign that Jane was not as ok as she was making out. Maura looked into the eyes of her lover and noticed the dark haze of desire and needed – Maura was now so familiar with this game they played and if her wife needed an escape tonight she would allow it, she would allow the combination of liquor and sex give Jane the break she needed. Lately their time together was not romantic or passionate like it had been, it was demanding and necessary. Maura felt it was more of a tool Jane used to cope than anything else, but if she was what Jane needed she would not deny her despite the way it was making her feel lately. The blond just hoped in time they would be able to return to what they once had been, that their relationship would recover fully – as right now it was fractured.

Jane continued to work her hands over Maura's body, "L…lets take this upstairs" Maura attempted to keep control, it was hard however as Jane new exactly how and where to touch her in order to completely dominate a situation. Jane shook her head, they weren't going anywhere and Maura knew it as the Detective unclasped her bra and explored further.

"We're fine right here" Jane's words were laced with desire. It was all too much for Maura to maintain control and the Doctor finally gave in. Jane watched as the moment she craved took place, she looked deep into her wife's eyes and saw the blonds gaze change from the look of pity and concern she hated so much turning to a dark clouded want. This was the outcome she wanted and needed, she could break eye contact now and she did, in order to move herself over Maura fully and move her mouth to the neck of the woman now pinned under her. Jane's hands and mouth working till the blonde began to moan. Maura's hands had found themselves under Jane's shirt and were gripping her back. They would both find their release right her and for a moment forget about everything else around them.

* * *

The phone on the coffee table sounded again, a text message, it brought Jane from the slumber she'd fallen into. She felt the heat of Maura's body on top of her – her wife was breathing softly, steady – still asleep on top of the brunette with the blanket that normally rests on the back of the sofa draped over them. For a moment she wanted nothing more to remain in this version of her life, a version where she could pretend that all was normal.

It was not normal right now, and the multiple texts coming through to her phone were evidence of this. She took one last deep breath savouring the smell of her wife's shampoo and the comfort of having the weight on top of her. Slowly she managed, without waking Maura, to move herself from under the blond. Reaching for her jeans she quietly slipped into them picked up her t-shirt throwing it over her top half – quietly she took her phone along with the still half full glass of wine from the coffee table and headed towards the back door that lead out into the courtyard.

Taking a seat at the small garden table that sat between the main house and the guest house, she looked back over her shoulder to ensure the blond had not followed her. There was no movement in the house and all was quiet and calm. Taking a mouthful from the glass of wine, she reached into the pocket of her jeans and removed the pack of cigarettes, she placed a smoke between her lips and lit it with her lighter – placing both down on the table in front of her while she took a deep drag of the smoke allowing it to fill her lungs, bringing with it a unique calm she only felt from nicotine.

Her attention now fell to the phone, she unlocked the screen and firstly checked the time, half two. Then, she saw the messaged – two of them – the first followed the call she had declined to answer.

 _23:36:_ _I guess it's not a good time. Need to talk to you … call me when you can._

 _02:23: I will be in town tomorrow, meet you same place as usual… around 8?_

Jane sighed, again she looked over her shoulder before pressing the call button on her phone. She rested the receiver to her ear and waited for an answer she knew would come.


	6. Chapter 6

"I know…I'm late….I'm late…" Jane was apologetic, stressed and caffeine-less as she approached the table where her younger brother was sat. She was pushing the pram while holding her son on her left hip. "However…" She looked at the three empty seats, then at her brother with a quizzical frustration.

"yeah … don't worry you're not the last Rizzoli to show up!" Frankie stood to his feet, "Morning Janie…" He greeted, he clearly had already had coffee this morning unlike Jane, her younger brothers tone changed as he looked to the smaller Rizzoli – "and morning slugger" Frankie reached his arms out and took a happy and alert Danny from his mother's arms and welcomed his nephew. "Why is your Ma carrying you huh? … when she has a pram? She's had you six months now … surely she gets how this all works!"

Jane shot him a look and growled as she parked the pram in the corner behind them, "What can I say…he's needy like his uncle … likes me to hold him" She slumped down in the seat opposite where her brother was retaking his seat holding her son. Reaching out she picked up his coffee

"Hey don't listen to her kid…" He mocked hurt, then caught her drinking his coffee, "Hey…mine"

"I need it more than you"

Frankie could not argue there. He lifted a hand to the waitress indicating a further pot of coffee come their way then he looked back that the giggling infant he'd say on the edge of the table facing him. "You been keeping you Ma awake? Huh? That why she looks like hell!"

"I don't need your crap. Where's Pa and Tommy." She asked, "I'm running late…so their…"

"yeah…running really late. Maybe we should have gone to Tommy's. So…should I ignore the state of you or…do you want to talk?"

"Ignore…I just had little sleep last night…" Jane was cut off by the coffee being placed onto the table. "thank you"

"Your welcome, can I get you both anything else?"

"A couple more mugs would be great" Jane asked with a smile.

"No problem…he's a sweetie" She complemented in Danny's direction. Jane smiled, "I'll be right back" Jane reached her arm over the table and stroked her sons head. He was a sweetie, she was a lucky woman.

"I think she was talking about me" Frankie said, looking at Danny but the smirk was meant for Jane. The brunette rolled her eyes, normal - If only for a moment she felt normal.

"Hey… fancy a beer and pizza catch up at some point... I think it's long overdue. A non-family intervention, non-ma's family lunch and Maura putting a stop to some friendly one on one's kind of catch up" This was feeling normal, she was feeling normal.

Frankie nodded, "Sure...I'll let you know my off duty and we will get something sorted. Someone has to teach your Ma how to play a little ball huh?" He jigged his nephew who was happily gurgled back in response. "you know I thought the bonus of you marrying a Doctor was that we get stitched up for free after we play…not get banned"

"the doctor doesn't need to know" Jane said the words with such ease that it led to her breath catching in her throat. She couldn't remember when her life became so separate to Maura's and when it became easy for her to hold things back, keep things hidden. She didn't remember when it became easy but she remembered when it became necessary. Suddenly reality was setting back in and her normal was fading.

"The doctor will divorce your ass if you show up injured" The three mugs were placed on the table by the passing waitress, "Thank you" Frankie acknowledged.

"Let me worry about that" Jane responded, and she did worry, she worried about divorce every day. As Frankie returned to entertaining his nephew Jane reached for the coffee now topping up her own mug and then placing Frankie's mug in front of him and filling it.

Jane's thought back to last night, waking her wife from the sofa and guiding her to their bedroom. The bedroom that she should have stayed in, instead while Maura settled into their double best Jane made the excuse she needed to check on Danny and that's where she woke hours later to the sound of their son's cries, in the large arm chair in his room with a blanket over her that she had not placed their – Maura must have found her here.

"Hey…kiddo" pulled from her thoughts she looked up at the man who greeted her.

"Pa…" Jane stood to her feet, she didn't notice him walk in with Tommy following. He moved into the seat next to Jane and leaned in kissing her cheek. "Son" He looked over at Frankie and then down Danny, before instantly turning back to Jane. "Sorry we're late"

"Morning Pa…Tommy" Frankie nodded up to them both.

"Hey all" Tommy fell into the seat next to his brother and instantly his attention was pulled towards Danny. "Hey mini Rizzoli"

Jane continued to stand as all around her sat, the memories of the last time she saw her father flooding back. Her arms moved to her waste and she fell back into her seat. "Glad you both made it."

"I'm glad to see all my kids in one place at one time…like the old times…with a little addition. How's the little one Janie?"

Jane reached out and poured the remaining two mugs of coffee, "He's great pa…a handful…"

"Taking after you then huh?" Frank Senior smiled, "He's getting big"

"Well you have only seen a picture before Pa" Jane shot, Frankie looked up towards his sister and brought Danny to hold against his chest facing outward so he could see the table. Jane looked from her son to the table. Now wasn't a great time for her to drag up her issues.

"Well I'm here now…" Frank looked to his daughter, Jane's chest tightened.

* * *

"Did you enjoy time with Grandpa!" Jane held her son in her arm held a bottle in his mouth. His eyes locking with hers as she spoke, softly rocking him. "Yeah I know… you look as exhausted as I feel." She looked away from her son and out into the park setting, "you know Kiddo your mom and I would come here all the time…you know we were here, in this very seat when we talked about having you." Jane smiled at the memory, smiled back down at Danny who was still watching her intently, "Well…let me tell you… it wasn't just one conversation … there were many…" jane laughed out loud _so many conversations and breakdowns were had_ she thought, then she turned serious "but buddy this will always be the place where it all made sense to us. Anyway…your Ma's embarrassing you I know… we will talk more when you're older."

Checking her watch on the wrist that was holding the bottle, "Well listen…after here we're going to go see an old friend of mine… are you cool with that son. I know, we always do what I want us to do … but tomorrow, cartoons, all day, promise." Danny finished the bottle and nestled into Jane's chest gripping her shirt as she placed the bottle in the dipper bag. "So we doing this are we? Me holding you again, you all snuggly while I drag the pram. You don't know how easy you have it."

Jane packed up their things, and gathered Danny in her arms as she stood to her feet, she pulled her mobile from her pocket – writing a text

 _On the way…should be with you in fifteen._

She pressed her finger down on the send key and placed her phone in her back jean pocket, "Lets go" she whispered to her son - and with that, she walked away from her family's spot. She wouldn't be meeting him here, this was where she would teach her son to play baseball, football, where they'd have picnics, this was where she'd told Maura she first loved her, this was where she'd proposed to her wife.

* * *

"Hey Frankie…"

"Maura…I'm sorry to bother you, you got a few minutes"

Maura pushed down her laptop and stood from her seat, "Of course…Frankie come in." She'd been so caught up in the reports and the screen she hadn't realised the time. Afternoon was upon them. "Would you like some tea?"

Frankie produced to coffees as he entered the office and shut her door with his foot, "I came prepared"

"Oh, thank you"

Frankie walked over handing the coffee to the tired looking blond and followed her indication to take a seat on the sofas in her room, "You're welcome"

"So… how did it go earlier? I've still not had a call from Jane, I was starting to worry"

"You haven't? We finished up with Pa about half eleven." Frankie sighed, "You know what, she'll kill me if she knows I'm here talking to you…but…is she ok Maura?"

"She's Jane!" Maura shrugged, "Some days are better than others, there's a lot going on at our house."

"Yeah…well to be honest Maura…I saw the state Jane was in this morning and I just wanted to check in with you. I wanted to make sure you were ok."

"I'm…" Maura looked to the floor, "I'm just tired!"

Frankie just nodded, he reached his hand over to place on Maura's. "you know … since you married my sister you kind of get me as a brother… you ever want a break, you can find me for a coffee."

She looked up at him, "Thank you Frankie"

"Your spending all your time looking out for Janie…you need to look after yourself to. The little nephew of mine needs both his Ma's to be OK."


	7. Chapter 7

"Do I even want to know what you told your wife you're doing?"

"Let me worry about my wife…" Jane did not need this from him; he wasn't here to be her shrink. She had enough people in her life that were monitoring her emotional state and waiting for her marriage to fall apart – and she was sure her wife was one of them.

"Problem is Rizzoli…I don't think you are, worrying about your wife…or yourself. This is becoming an unhealthy obsession." She looked away from him and out over the crowds that had gathered around the coffee cart in the area of the park they always met. She could not help but clench her fists. "…he deserves better from you hun." He was now looking down at her son.

"Listen…don't call me hun… I never liked it when we were fucking and I don't like it now … that stopped when we stopped." She wasn't in the mood for his jesting, or his caring, she was only in the mood to find out why he'd dragged her here to meet with him.

"Jesus!" He barked at her genuine anger that she didn't miss being subjected to on a daily basis, "the little one is right here. Watch your mouth" he looked back into the pram happy to see the young boy was still soundly asleep. He shook his head, now looking back to the brunette in front of him.

Jane rolled her eyes impatiently, thought she did feel the guilt. He was right, Danny shouldn't be here – hearing her like this. He should be protected from this side of her life, the madness that her professional world had pulled her into and the person it made her. She was trying her best to keep this from her wife, she should be doing the same from her son. Today however it had not been possible, his texts had come too late, given her little time to arrange this meeting without Danny. Next time she'd ask her Ma to watch him while she went to her 'shrink' – the 'shrink' Maura had recommended and whom Jane had booked one appointment with. She had never made it to her first appointment, she'd made it to the car park, she'd made it out of the car – and she'd made it down the pathway, past the front door to the clinic and kept walking until she made it a block and a half away when she had got to a hell hole of a bar. It was a bar she'd usually show up to track down a perp or a witness, not find herself sinking into a couple of beers at the far end of the bar. It was nothing like the dirty robber, it was small, dirty and dark – exactly where she wanted to hide away for a few hours at a time and just escape being Jane Rizzoli.

This was where her weekly visits to the shrink would really take her. Not that either her Ma or Maura knew, to them she was sat on some sofa, talking and processing and dealing and they were sure she'd be the old Jane again soon. Jane had used the shrink excuse to stop them both from worrying at first, she'd realised that in both her Ma and Maura's world if Jane was getting professional help they believed all would be okay and Jane had been through enough mandatory precinct psych evaluations after shooting dead one criminal or another through her career and she'd sat through enough documentaries with Maura when they were dating and she was still trying to impress and please the blond that she could pull off a review of what they had covered in her 'sessions'.

"Look when we first started this you agreed to help me, so either you're here to give me some news or you have wasted both our time" Jane looked intently at the guy in the seat opposite the small metal table that parted them, on top of the table their coffees sat untouched. He'd brought them out of habit – just like back in the day when they rode together – when both were making their way up in the force. Neither expected back then that this is where their paths would take them.

She remembered his face before the scar across his left cheek that he had earned a few years after they'd ended being partners on the force, though she was still familiar with the scar because a long while after they'd split professionally many a bad case, a few crap breakups and always a few too many beers brought them together. She was no stranger to his bed, or sofa, or the back of one of their cars. One thing however that she wasn't familiar was how worn this guy looked, how defeated. Had the job tore her apart like it had him. She didn't need a mirror to answer that, the way her hands twitched and her booted foot tapped impatiently against the floor, the feel of cold damp palms as she waited for even a little intel from him like a dealer waited for a score on a street corner. She hated who she was.

He shook his head sadly, and then informed her bluntly "Months of following this guy and nothing Rizzoli. We have nothing…" he finally told her.

"No Rich…come on…" She couldn't believe this.

"I got nothing!" He repeated firmly "and I can't keep chasing a feeling you got. I'm getting pulled in too deep and one wrong move…we could lose our god damn badges."

"It's not a feeling…I'm telling you he's guilty god damn it." Jane lent forward her fist banging down on the table spilling the long forgotten coffee. The desire for proof outweighing her ability to keep rational.

Rich reached over placing his hand over her first, gripping it. "Hey…I know! I know… but he's too clever to be caught like this." Rich told her, "and we're too involved to play this how we need to. We're too tired, and too broken…" for a moment his harshness faded, he enjoyed the feeling of her hand in him. He swallowed – "I'm ending this!" he told her.

Jane shook her head; she couldn't have reached this point already. The point where the one case that would ever matter to her ran cold. "Rich…BPD closed the case when they got the shooter…the god damn, bottom of the chain shooter"

"They closed it because of lack … no… because of no evidence Rizzoli!"

"We were close...Anderson was close. I am telling you that we can still do this" Jane was begging and she wasn't ashamed, her other hand reached over grabbing his hand with both of hers. She needed to catch the guy ultimately responsible, the guy who was calling the shots, who arranged the ambush and who shot then both down leaving them in lay in the rain – bleeding out. The guilty outcome for the shooter was nothing more than BPD pinning it on the minor player in a much bigger game.

"Yeah…and look what close got you last time Rizzoli. I don't want close…I want certain" He barked with anger, "This kid here deserves better than his Ma been knelt down on main street and executed….and I'm damned if I'm going to be kneeling next to you…"

"Fuck you Rich!" She pulled her hands back.

"I told you I had your back…" He barked at her. "But I told you we do it my way!"

"you have nothing…I gave you months. MONTHS and You have nothing!"

"There is nothing that I can get us sitting in a car night after night with a pair of binoculars Rizzoli." He tried to calm his voice again and pull her back from the edge. "look…it's not over… it's just…" He noticed Jane was now shaking with anger, the anticipation she had when she first arrived, the hope of him giving her something that got them closer to the guy she knew was guilty had deflated into desperation. "Rizzoli it's on hold. I called you out here to tell you…I'm passing this up the chain. I have a favour I'm calling in…and we will see what happens. But for now… we…as in me and you…we are backing off"

"For how long Rich, how long do I have to rock my Son to sleep, looking down at him knowing his Pa's killer is out there. I can't be that kind of Mother…" Jane demanded.

"You have to be, for as long as it takes...until we get that son of a bitch. You need to fix up Rizzoli"

* * *

Half nine in the evening came, and Jane was sat down stairs in their home alone. Maura was yet to return home, though the medical examiner had attempted many calls and even a few texts to Jane – the brunette only responding to those texts as and when she felt it completely necessary, and she made little effort in developing the text responses beyond three or four words.

Maybe Rich had been right earlier, she needed to fix up, she needed to worry about her wife and her family. There was a time that if she was at home and Maura was pulling a late shift – she would go out of her way to make a nice meal, something healthy with vegetables she'd rarely heard of let alone eaten. She'd pick up a bottle of wine that cost her more than a shift made her at work and she'd make an effort to put on a shirt that fitted in all the places Maura liked them to fit on her. Though that all felt like a lifetime ago.

Tonight, there was boxed up meals that Angela had made them. Angela had got in the habit of stocking the fridge in the Rizzoli-Isles household when Jane was in hospital – the first time – with the multiple gunshot wounds…many months before the birth of their son, and this had continued as neither Jane nor Maura now found the energy to live life as they used to. They reheated the food as and when such an exercise was required in order for them to sustain their bodies, they both ate out of necessity and if they were honest that's how they both went about life lately. Tonight Jane did not need food, she needed Maura to get home so that she could take herself into the guest house and put on an old baseball game she'd seen more times than she cared to count and find her way into a bottle and out of her head. It was not the kind of distance she allowed herself from life when she was the sole carer of Danny however as soon as Maura returned home she would allow the responsibility of being the parent fall to the Doctor for the rest of the evening.

As she waited, with a beer that she wished was darker in colour and stronger in strength – she played with her phone in her hand. Killing time, she re-read over the last texts she'd received.

It was from her Pa was the one she kept reading.

 _Thanks again Janie… you wait till I'm on my feet. I'll pay you back. Give the little one a hug from Gramps. Pa x_

Jane shook her head, how did he go from ashamed father of the daughter who in his opinion was an embarrassment and a let-down to referring to himself as Gramps to the grandson he'd seen for all of a breakfast earlier that day. She let out a laugh, into the emptiness of the kitchen, she looked over to the wall she'd cowered in when her and Frank had previously been reunited. Three thousand dollars changed the way Frank Senior saw his daughter, for a short time anyhow, she supposed. She wondered how many more thousand she'd have to give him to stop referring to Maura as an arrangement, and see her as a wife to his daughter and a mother to Danny. Funny Jane thought, he didn't have a problem taking money from them as a married couple but he wound dare take a meal and some polite conversation, or offer support and acceptance.

The money brought with it a whole set of problems to Jane and her marriage, she wondered how long she could avoid admitting she'd paid off her father's gambling debts, sure she'd wrote a cheque from her account but she knew this should have been a conversation she's had with her wife before signing it away.

She took a mouthful of the cool beer, it had been a long day and trying to figure out another little lie to tell Maura to avoid more issues, another lie to add to a tangled web that seemed to wrap itself around her marriage seemed way too much effort. She'd avoid it, for tonight at least.


	8. Chapter 8

"You said fifteen minutes Maura" Jane called from the bottom of the stairs where she stood with Danny on her hip, they should have been in the car half an hour ago and on their way to her Ma's however here she was still stood waiting. "Lord I spend more time waiting for your mother than anything else" Jane spoke softly as she straightened her son's shirt, "…look you're ready, I'm ready … where's your Ma?" She was frustrated.

"I'm here …I'm here" Maura responded as she walked down the steps.

Jane looked up at the voice of the blond doctors "Well thank G…" she was cut off when she saw her wife, it took her breath away. She watched Maura descend the steps wearing the perfect summer dress. "Well… I take back all the yelling and hollering at you… you look gorgeous"

Maura reached the bottom of the stairs, a little taken aback by Jane's change in attitude. "Well… thankyou"

Jane allowed herself to look over her wife once more, the arm that wasn't holding onto their son she moved to take Maura's waist and guided the blond into her. She softly kissed Maura, the Doctor was more than happy to oblige and moved her own hand to Jane's waist closing her eyes she allowed the moment to take her. "Do we really need to go?" Jane asked leaning back against the wall, pleading eyes.

"I think we do…" Maura smiled, she looked from Jane to Danny who was reaching out and holding onto Maura's dress. "I'm actually surprised that Angela hasn't sent Tommy over to hurry us along."

"Urgh…well…Mini Rizzoli, seen as your Ma is now ready to go….lets go" She took Maura's hand in hers and ran her thumb in small circles. She leant forward and kissed her one last time before they parted. "You ready to see your uncles try to BBQ?"

* * *

Jane was leaning against the door frame of the back door looking out over the garden of her Ma's house where her family were gathered. Tommy was stood at the BBQ grilling the mass of food that Angela had provided with Frankie overseeing, giving pointers as only a sibling can. She was glad to see both brothers stress free, since their father had left over a week ago things were starting to fall back into place.

"What are you doing hiding over here?" Angela asked with a smile as she approached her daughter from the kitchen, she didn't pass past Jane, instead she stopped next to the younger Rizzoli woman and she took a seat on the step that lead down from the back door - gesturing for Jane to also take a seat.

"I'm not hiding, just observing" Jane took the seat next to her Ma, "Thanks for today Ma…"

"You're welcome Sweetie." Angela looked out over garden, "He's doing so well" she smiled at the sight of Maura sat on a rug out in the garden with Danny lay in front of her giggling. He was so content – so happy.

"yeah he is" Jane too was now looking in the direction of her family, her wife caring for their son. "He's brilliant Ma"

"Yes he is dear…he's lucky to have you two as Parents "

"I don't know about that. I mean… he's lucky to have Maura but I have not been there easiest to live with these past months." Jane looked down to the beer bottle in her hand, she took a sip and then looked back over to Maura who had now been joined by Frankie. "He deserves better"

"Are you talking about Danny or Maura sweetie?" Angela rested her hand on Jane's knee. Jane shrugged her shoulders.

It hurt Jane to acknowledge she was failing the person she vowed to love and protect and she was not succeeding on either front. Jane took a deep breath, and a mouthful of beer then she looked back at her mother "thanks for all you have done for us Ma…you know I don't tell you enough how much I appreciate it."

"You are more than welcome Janie."

Jane lifted the beer again, "tommy is making a mess over there Ma" Jane advised, letting her mother know this conversation was over. Angela patted Jane on the knee as she stood to here feet.

"I'm going to go save us…and tell tommy what he's doing wrong. You need to stop hiding over here. Your wife's wine glass is empty"

"Observing" Jane growled with a smirk as her mother walked away. Taking a couple more mouthfuls of beer until the bottle was empty, she stood to her own feet in search of the wine bottle.

* * *

"Frankie…could you watch the little one for us?" Jane asked as she approached the blanket, wine bottle in hand with two fresh glasses.

"Sure…" Frankie nodded as he reached forward lifting his nephew into his arms, "come here little man."

Jane held her free hand out to Maura, "Dr Isles…could I borrow you?"

Maura was a little taken a back, "Sure…" she agreed taking Jane's hand and allowing herself to my lifted from the blanket. She flattened her dress down and followed after Jane who headed to the table at the other end of the garden.

Jane reached the table first, placed down the two glasses and poured the wine, and took a seat on the bench. Maura followed suit and took the seat next to Jane. "Is everything okay Jane?"

She handed her wife the glass of wine, and looked up into her eyes, "I don't think it is Maura… we are not okay are we?" Maura didn't respond, she didn't want to admit to their relationship being strained. Jane sighed, "Listen… Maura I'm making a mess of this…" Jane moved herself closer, she placed her hand on Maura's cheek and guided her wife to look at her. "…what I'm trying to say is I've been pushing you away and I want to change that…I want to get us back to how we were. You deserve better than what you are getting from me right now."

Maura swallowed back the emotion that Jane's honesty was creating, "Earlier... the way you looked at me…you haven't looked at me like that in such a long time. Since before you were shot..."

Jane nodded, sadly Maura was right – she herself was ashamed at the realisation that the moment earlier which used to be so frequent was now so alien to her. "I'm going to fix me Maura"

"There is your problem Jane you think you have to do all of this on your own." Maura reached for the glass of wine that was on the table, she handed it to Jane, then she reached back and took her own and lifted her own glass to her lips taking a mouthful of the chilled white wine. Then she lowered the glass to cradle it in her lap. "You've been doing this marriage, our child, your coping, your revenge all on your own."

Jane sighed, "I'm trying here Maura" she tried to hold back the frustration but she knew by the grip on her wine glass she was failing.

"So am I Jane. To be honest I'm trying to remember what I'm fighting for"

"Maura…what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Jane's anger was taking hold now. she placed the glass of wine down on the table, turning her body waiting for Maura's response.

"I didn't want to bring this up here…at your mothers…"

"Bring what up Maura?" Jane's tone raised now bringing the attention from the rest of her family.

Maura's control was gone, she needed to remove herself from this situation, she stood to her feet and made a move away from the table. Jane reached forward and caught Maura's hand that had not picked up the wine glass – "don't" Maura warned, "I don't want to do this here Jane"

"Please…honey…"

"Don't honey me" Maura's control has now snapped, she had wanted to get through the day with their family and talk about this when they were back home this evening but it had been eating at Maura since she'd found out that morning. "I know okay… I know you have been lying to me for months." she shouted as she pulled back her hand from Jane's clasp. "I know and I am sick of this"

"you know what?" Jane asked.

Maura shook her head, "God damn it Jane…just stop" she walked away from Jane and toward the house – she needed to get away.


	9. Chapter 9

_Walking into her apartment Jane slammed shut the door with force, her heart beat so hard in her chest as anger raged through her._

" _Jesus … Rizzoli…"_

 _Jane swung around started, "God damn…what the hell are you doing here?" she really was not in the mood for anyone right now. She pulled her jacket off turning her back on him as she threw it on the sofa before kicking off her boots._

" _Hide a key!" He explained, he was sat at the kitchen island on her laptop with an open bottle of beer._

" _Not how Anderson…" She fired back, "Why…why the hell are you here?" she fell back into the sofa._

" _Hey…" He stood up from the stool and opened the fridge taking a fresh beer, along with his own he headed towards the brunette who had her head now lent rested on the back of the sofa. "… I have not seen you since shift ended on Friday so I know that you're not pissed off at me." He took a seat next to her and handed her the cold bottle, "I brought beers and I needed to get away from my brother so…that's why"_

" _He still staying at yours?" Jane asked taking the beer and turning her head to look at him. Anderson nodded his head, "Cramping your style… I know how you feel" She shot, a dig at his presence in her apartment._

" _Hey…I bring beers; I enhance your life." He shot, faking hurt. He sat forward a little resting his elbow on his knees, beer bottle clasped between both hands. "So…what happened to make you nearly take the door off its hinges."_

 _Jane opened her beer "Don't shrink me Anderson" Jane warned, "And I'm going to make sure I hide my hide a key better in future"_

" _Don't bother" He reached into his pocket, "I had me a copy cut" he explained with a smile as he held out his set of keys were a copy of Jane's key was now nestled._

 _Jane rolled her eyes with a growl, then let her head fall back on the sofa._

" _So…is your woman the cause of this?"_

" _Don't talk about her like she's one of your women…" Jane demanded her head snapping forward again, "she is not someone I picked up in a bar."_

" _Ah, so Dr Isles is the reason for your anger?"_

" _Her ex showed up… he is the reason for my Anger" Jane explained. Her fists balling once more, "I have just spent the last god damn hour and a half sat at a table in some classy bar, where Dr. Rodger happened to stroll on in ordering my lady wine I can't pronounce, and telling anecdotes I didn't understand but Maura found rather entertaining." Anderson nodded his head, he now understood the anger._

" _Jane… where is the Dr now?"_

" _I left him ordering another bottle of fancy wine and a beer for the cop!"_

" _I ment your Dr" Anderson barked, "Jesus Rizzoli…what did you do?"_

" _I'm sorry that I couldn't sit watching my god damn woman regret the last three years of her life" Jane's anger re-flooded through her body._

" _Oh god you left her there didn't you. You didn't even tell her!" Anderson shook his head, "Don't do this" he turned his body so that he was facing the brunette now "don't get cold feet and blow the best thing that ever happened to you."_

" _You know what … I have spent this afternoon watching them gaze into each others eyes, reminisce…laugh… what the hell is she doing with me – I'm noting compared to him"_

" _Stop…stop… look… Maura is with you Jane, Maura is Marrying you, she wants a broke ass, sarcastic, beer drinking cop… I think Maura has picked the only Italian in Boston who can't cook. She could have her pick of any high flyer she wanted but she is marrying you! You need to get a grip… we all have a past, we all have exes"_

" _Fuck you Anderson…" She shot not appreciating his description of her, "…well why do we have to share a bottle of wine with hers!"_

" _Yours is sat on the sofa right now, yours lets himself into your apartment at all hours no matter who is here – lord I walked in on you and Maura that one night…"_

" _hey … I don't need to relive that thanks" Jane shot, flashbacks of a 2am, post dirty robber, very drunk Anderson stumbling into Jane's bedroom at a very inconvenient time came flooding back. Jane closed her eyes and shook her head. She knew he was right. "And…it's different!" She argued, she looked back at him._

" _Is it… I love you, I love Maura…your family to me. You two belong together. What we had back when…was a bit of fun between friends. What you and Maura have is the real deal. You need to let go of your insecurities."_

" _Ok…Ok…enough" Jane didn't need to hear any more, "Go back to your beers"_

" _Go back to your wife!"_

"… _to be. My wife to be…"_

" _If she still wants you after you abandoned her!" He elbowed her knee with a smile, "so … I'm going to go back over there to my beers."_

 _She hated when he was right, "…and…I need to go explain myself"_

 _Anderson nodded his head, "Talk to her Rizzoli. Always talk to Maura…she has your back." he stood up and lifted her jacket up from underneath him, throwing it at her and taking his beer back. "Go"_

* * *

"Maura…"

Jane walked into her Ma's home and found Maura sat in the living room, the rest of her family had remained in the Garden so right now they had their privacy. Maura's head was rested in her hands, the usually composed blond appeared so broken. Jane felt guilt fill her, she had done this. Maura took a shaky breath and looked up to where Jane was stood in the door way. "Are you having an affair Jane?"

"What?" Jane was shocked by her wife's questions. Maura's eyes were demanding an answer but it also showed that she was fearful to hear the answer. They glistened with unshed tears of anger, frustration, exhaustion. "How can you ask me that?"

"I'm tired Jane. tired of all of this"

"I…I have never cheated on you Maura. Ever…"

"Don't lie to me Jane." Maura's broken frame now stood straight with a deep anger that she had been holding back, Maura turned to the brunette, "I can't take any more lies."

"I'm not lying to you! What do you think I'm just fucking around behind your back?" Jane shouted.

"I know you have been lying about where you go every week… you're not going to a therapist…your progress, you treatment….its all a god damn lie!" Maura held out her hands, "So come on Jane…if you're not talking to a therapist, if you're not talking to me, who the hell are you talking to huh? Who are you with week after week? Who calls you at crazy hours… who the hell are you making love to when your with me Jane because you're not with me really… your miles away. Your thinking about someone else aren't you…"

Jane stood frozen. Her heart beating hard against her chest, her palms sweaty, he ears ringing a high pitched tone. "Please…" she managed, backing up against the wall. Looking to the floor. Maura continued to bark out everything she had held in side for all these months.

"Who Jane? Who is it God damn."

Jane shook her head, still unable to really gain control of herself let alone this situation. "I…I…"

"You what? … you what?" She waited for a response but no answer came, "I give up Jane. I can't do this with you anymore" Maura went to walk past Jane but the brunette reacted, reaching out she took hold of her wife's slim wrist.

she grasped tighter than she had intended that caused Maura to try and pull back. "Please…no…please don't leave me." Jane begged. She pulled the distraught blond close into her body. She thought back to earlier, the feeling she had when Maura had descended the stairs, why hadn't she gone with her gut then. She'd thought for a moment when the blond was in her arms earlier of breaking, of telling Maura everything – and now, she was too late.

"Let me go…please…" Maura growled, she was crying now, tears escaping and tumbling down her face, "I can't do this anymore" The bonds heart was breaking, that this was what their marriage had become.

"I need you" Jane's voice cracked.

Maura lowered her head, sobs now consuming her, "I don't think you know what you need…or want anymore Jane. You're lost." Maura pulled her wrist free, and stepped back into her own space away from Jane "I'm going to take our son home, I think… you should stay here tonight."


	10. Chapter 10

Standing in the kitchen, stirring a cup of tea that she probably wouldn't be drinking, she looked out of the kitchen window into the darkness that had fallen. She'd arrived home a few hours ago after having left the Rizzoli's BBQ. She had collected Danny from his uncle and gathered his things, then she attempted to leave with what little dignity her anger and unshed tears glistening in her eyes allowed. She had thanked and apologised to Angela, Frankie and Tommy as she tried to avoid their concern, tried to assure them all was fine – she was unconvinced herself however that all would be fine. Jane had not come out of the house, had not asked her to stop what she was doing, had not fought – she'd remained inside Angela's home.

The whole conversation had replayed over and over in her head since she had returned home, and Maura still could not understand how the afternoon had escalated to what it had. She had been aware Jane had been trying to make an effort – Jane had taken her to the side, was attempting to make amends however this had only added fuel to the already burning fire that Maura's discovery of Jane's lies earlier that day had led to.

Having popped into the office to finalise a case report earlier in the morning Maura had bumped into the therapist whom she had first arranged for Jane to visit after she'd been released from hospital. Dr Francis was a close acquaintance of Maura's and in her opinion the best on the East Coast at what he did, she was sure that he would be able to guide Jane through the darkness she'd known the months following the shooting would bring. Jane had agreed with Maura to visit Dr Francis, she had however stubbornly insisted that she would co-ordinate with him directly, Maura agreed to step back and allow Jane to manage her own wellbeing as she'd understood that after the shooting Jane had felt less of a person, weak, empty – she had not wanted to mother her wife and Jane had pleaded with her not to pity her, not too treat her as a broken patient. Maura had agreed to do things on Jane's terms – standing here in the kitchen now, in hindsight the blond regretted this decision.

That morning she had greeted Dr Francis in the hallway of Boston PD, she'd asked after himself and his wife – and out of respect for Jane had decided not to raise her wife's treatment, at that time she had no need to do so as after each visit Jane would discuss it with her so Maura felt informed. Dr Francis had responded to Maura's enquiry about his own wife assuring her himself and his family were well, he had then enquired about Maura and her wife. Maura had recognised that there was an unfamiliarity when her enquired after Jane – Maura had queried this only to have him inform her that Jane had failed to attend their first scheduled appointment and he had received no further contact following this missed visit.

Since this conversation all Maura could think about was where Jane was going all these months as she lied about visits, lied about what she'd discussed with her Doctor, she had lied on so many occasions about so many things connected with a false treatment. Maura had thought that she'd be able to make it through the family gathering and she could raise this with Jane later that evening but having the brunette take her to the side at the BBQ and promise her she was trying, attempting to reassure that all would be okay – Maura couldn't take any more lies.

Looking down from the kitchen window into her tea, Maura allowed tears to fall again. Her chest ached with a sadness she had not thought possible. Wiping at the tears she felt the deep sadness formulate and anger that resulted in her lifting the tea cup and throwing it into the sink. A satisfaction of watching the china shatter and the hot liquid splash over the kitchen surfaces was not enough to fully deplete her anger, she balled her fists and sobbed as she turned her back and slid down the kitchen cupboards to the floor. Pulling her knees to her chest she rested her head against them and rocked slowly back and forth. "Oh God…" She sobbed over and over, "God damn…"

* * *

Jane pushed her hand into her jean pockets as she walked through the streets, she could have grabbed a taxi, she could have accepted the lift that Frankie had offered – she'd chosen to walk however needing the space to think, she'd walked from her Mothers in the direction of her home and now she was at the end of their drive way - hesitating. Maura had told her to stay away this evening, had told her not to come home but that was not an option for Jane. She'd spent too long creating distance from her wife and now more than ever she needed to put an end to this. She needed to revaluate her priorities, Maura and her son needing to be number one. She was scared to step into their home, fearing the outcome of facing the mess she had created head on, where would this leave Maura and her relationship – their marriage.

It was six hours since Maura had left her in her Ma's living room, six hours where Jane had debated what her next step should be. Her Ma had tried to talk to her but Jane couldn't. She'd taken herself to the front porch and sat here for the remainder of the evening, smoking her way thought her emotions. She'd wrote texts to Maura she didn't send, she'd played with the idea of calling the blond never ringing however as she knew nothing said over the phone would be enough.

Looking up at her home now the living room was in darkness, she looked over the whole house – it was in the same condition. Looking down at her watch it was past midnight. Walking up the driveway Jane reached the front door – she placed her key in the lock and hesitated for a moment. Her heart beat against her chest, her mouth was dry, her hands were clammy – pushing open the door she stepped through the threshold. The house was silent.

Jane secured the front door and placed her keys on the entrance table. She leant back against the door and looked over to the base of the stairs where earlier that day she recalled holding her wife close. She closed her eyes in an attempt to control both her anger and sadness. She contemplated ascending the stairs and heading to the bedroom, as she headed towards the stairs she faltered a moment and with a sigh she turned and headed in the direction of the kitchen. Turning on the kitchen light she headed to the lower cupboard, lifted out the bottle of scotch. For a moment she held it, she unscrewed the lid and she reached for a glass – before taking hold of it however she thought back to sitting on her Ma's porch earlier thinking about her life and her family – she needed to change. She left the glass and walked over to the sink with the bottle. As Jane went to pour the alcohol away down the drain she noticed the smashed tea cup and the spilled drink. Guilt filled her further at the sight of this, she poured the dink away…this was her first step.

After cleaning up the kitchen, disposing of the empty bottle and broken china Jane wrestled with the decision between a beer, a bottle of water or the vodka she was aware was in the top shelf of the freezer. Against her want the water won, taking the bottle she closed the fridge.

"What are you doing here?"

Jane turned around to face the blond, Maura was leaning against the door frame, she'd been crying, she looked exhausted and Jane knew she was the reason for this along with the pain in her eyes. Her arms were crossed over her chest. "I thought you'd be asleep – I didn't want to wake you. Sorry"

"You think I can sleep after today?" Maura shook her head, she ran her hand through her hair, "Danny struggled to settle…I think he is finally down for the night" She wanted to be angry at Jane but she was too tired.

"Can we talk?" Jane stepped toward the kitchen island and placed the bottle down on it. "Please…"

"What so you can tell me more lies Jane? I'm struggling…I really am…" Maura remained unmoved against the door frame.

"I know…I know that I've messed up and… I don't really know how to even start to fix this." Jane was almost pleading, she lowered her head and took a moment. "Can we sit down…and talk ab.."

Before Jane could finish Maura cut in, "Have you cheated on me Jane?" there was so much hatred and fear in that one question that even Maura herself had not expected.

"Jesus no…" Jane shook her head adamantly, "Hun…." Jane left the island and walked towards Maura taking hold of her waist. The smaller woman had tried to pull back out of Jane's grasp but the brunette wouldn't allow her to, she firmly kept hold "Never… I promise you Maura…I have never"

Maura pondered this for a moment, "So all of the times you told me you were at therapy…all the times in the last months you lied about the sessions with Dr Francis… where were you? because I can't stop thinking about you in some god damn hotel room being touched by someone else Jane and it's killing me…I can't get this out of my head" Anger filled the blond and gave her the strength to push Jane back from her – she needed there to be space between them.

"Listen to me…I have lied to you…hell I've really made a mess of our marriage… but I've not had an affair. I've not touched another god damn man or woman." Jane growled in desperation, she needed to make Maura understand. "I need you"

"You need me!" Maura could not hold back any longer, "You need me! WHAT ABOUT WHAT I NEED JANE? Have you given me any consideration in all of this? What about our son, what about what he needs? I'm telling you now it sure as hell feels to me that we are at the bottom out your priority list"

Jane shook her head, "I thought I was protecting you Maura… I really did. At the start I did…and then one lie turned into another, and another and… I've really lost control." Jane shrugged her shoulders, she walked into the living room and took seat on the sofa. Maura took a seat on the chair across the coffee table. A silence fell over them both.

Maura took a shaky breath and she gathered a little composure – and said it, said what she had wanted to say since the call to the hospital she'd received "He was my friend too Jane, Anderson was both our friend and out sons father and we lost him, and I nearly lost you and our unborn son all on the same night. Do you know what it was like to sit in a waiting room with your mother waiting to see if you were going to come out of surgery or if I was going to be a god damn widow?"

Before Jane could respond to what had just been said the sound of breaking glass filled their home. "What the fuck" Jane stood up to her feet instantly and so did Maura, protectively Jane took the step towards Maura and took hold of her arm.

"Jane…" Maura gasped in fear, "Danny. Danny" cried out as she tried to force her way past the brunette. Jane was already thinking about her son, she was guiding Maura through the living room trying to make sense of what had happened. When she reached the hallway she saw the brick in centre of the floor and the broken glass. There was a then the sound of the car alarm sounding and the flashing of the cars lights highlighted the darkened hall.

"Go…Go to Danny…take him into our bedroom and stay away from the windows" Jane ordered firmly as she guided Maura who's feet we bare around the glass to the bottom of the stairs.

"Jane please don't…" Maura called back not wanting her wife to leave the house and confront whoever was on the other side of the door. "please…"

"Call it in Maura … go"

Maura knew not to argue further, she turned and ran up the remainder of the stairs toward Danny.

Jane pulled open the door and stepped out of the house.


	11. Chapter 11

Her adrenalin was racing as she stepped out from their house. The car alarm still blared and the noise and light from the vehicle polluted the stillness that the time of night should bring with it. As Jane stepped down the steps of the porch trying to make sense of the scene before her she noted the sound of a motorbike taking off up the street – whoever it was who had just put her front door through had now left. Looking over the front of her property she decided there were no further immediate threats, she glanced back to her car - the side window and the front window screen had been smashed.

The lights that were illuminating the usual quiet street and the commotion that had been caused was resulting in lights in neighbouring properties being turned on and the residents to were caring out their own investigation of the Rizzoli-Isles front yard. Turning on her heels Jane made her way back into the house and took the car keys - the alarm needed to be silenced.

* * *

Maura paced the floor in their bedroom as she rocked a crying Danny, holding him close to her chest she was unable to stop her shaking hands - the fear and emotion filling her all becoming too much. "Shh Shh that's it sweetie...you're ok. " This did little to settle him. It did little to settle Maura.

After collecting Danny from his room Maura had made the call to 911 and knew that there would be a Boston PD unit on their way. The sound of the car alarm silenced and this was followed shortly after by the sound of someone entering the house and from what Maura could hear coming up the stairs. She was relieved at the familiar sound of her wife rushing through their property.

The door to the bedroom pushed open and Jane entered instantly moved towards her family enveloping them in her arms, "are you okay..." Jane asked looking into her wife's eyes – Maura nodded "is Danny"

Jane placed a hand on his back as Maura continued to rock him against her chest. "he's fine j..." Maura tried to reassure, "What's happening..." She questioned over the young boys cry, she needed to know.

"I don't know... Someone's put the windows through on the car. It looks like they have taken off though... I just want to make sure." Jane moved forward kissing Maura, she needed to give Maura reassurance that she will be protected. "you're safe here... Just stay ...please... until I check the rest of the house"

Stepping back from her family she headed to the draws to the left of the bedroom doorway. Pulling open the top draw she entered the code to the safe and lifted from it her gun. "did you call it in?"

Jane glanced back over her shoulder, her wife's usual composure completely demolished. "hey Maur... Are PD on the way?" Maura nodded. "great... Call Frankie" Jane now requested. The doctor nodded and reached for her phone as Jane exited their bedroom and shut the door behind her.

* * *

"... I exited the house and saw someone take off on a motorbike, heading up towards main street. Dressed fully in black. I got nothing to help ID them ... They were too far off." Jane was stood in the kitchen retelling the night's event to the officer. she pushed her hand through her hair as her anger levels increase. She had been targeted and her family had been put in harm way.

A police unit had pulled up about a half hour ago and where they had obtained little information that could help identify who was behind this attack. "thank you for recapping Detective."

Jane just nodded, she waited till the officer shut his note pad and pushed it back into his rear pocket. "we will have officers check if any of your neighbours saw anything and we will keep an eye in the area with extra drive-bys here...but..."

"I know ... You have little to go on...Thank you for heading over officer. could I ask a favour…could you leave our neighbours' until the morning to bother them I am sure they have had enough disruption this evening." The younger officer nodded, " are we done here. I need to check on my wife."

"sure...I will be in touch if we receive any information."

"thank you" Jane offered as she showed the officer out.

Walking back into the living room Jane found her brother pacing as he held his sleeping nephew. Maura was sat on the sofa, head in hands trying to make sense of all of this. "they have finished up...they found nothing but the brick. They will have a car in the area for now." Jane informed the room. Maura didn't react and Frankie shook his head in frustration.

"This makes no sense Jane" his voice low so not to wake Danny "you don't get your window and car targeted for no reason. "

"thanks Frankie...I am aware." Jane barked with a glare then pulled her brothers attention to her wife still sat with her head rested in her hands.

"we need to find out who the hell did this Jane" he argued.

"I know we do Frankie" Jane shot back, "look…we won't get anywhere further right now. Tomorrow" She walked over and took a seat on the coffee table opposite but to the side of the blond, she placed a hand on Maura's leg "honey... Are you okay?"

"do I look ok Jane" Maura snapped looking up at her wife. "what the hell is going on...what have you got into?" Jane took a breath, she kept eye contact but her resolve was breaking. Maura knew her better than anyone, Maura knew this was on the brunette. "well?"

"I…" The eye contact was too much, she broke it. Maura saw it, right there was the guilt that confirmed this was on Jane.

"Listen to me Jane … I just had a brick thrown through our front door while our son was sleeping upstairs. You will tell me what the hell you have done..."

Jane had made the decision earlier that day to come clean to her wife about everything but she was going to do so after both had had sleep and they were sat calmly. Now was not ideal, emotions were high, there most recent argument still remained unresolved and nothing Jane would say next would calm the blond. Jane became cold and distant as she removed her hand from her wife and stood to her feet, "You need to go and stay at Frankie's tonight... I will explain everything tomorrow I promise you."

Maura stood herself and advanced on Jane, taking hold of Jane's upper arm she maneuverer the brunette so they were facing each other with little distance between them "its him isn't it...you didn't leave it alone..." The was a fierce anger that Jane had never before seen from Maura, "you're going to get your whole family killed at this rate...we are going to end up just like Anderson" the words hit Jane harder than anything else could have, she felt like she had received a physical blow to her chest. "I told you that night, I told both of you not to walk out of this house… and now here we are again"

Jane felt a bitter taste raise into her mouth, breathing was becoming more difficult. She pulled her arm free from Maura's grasp – her breathing becoming deeper with anger – "I don't need you layering on the god damn guilt … I regret everything about that night!"

"…but you were doing your job right?" Maura advanced again on Jane, her tone determined, angry "that's how you justify that night, and how you are justifying this god damn mess we're are in now. What about us Jane … when will you family come before your god damn Job huh?" Maura spat. Tuning from her wife she left the room.

Jane looked to her brother, he was shocked himself, "Jane?" he asked, he didn't quite care right now how they got to the point they were at what was important was how to deal with it. The Detective in Frankie was taking over and that grouped with brother and uncle had created a determination not to be argued with.

"I..." Jane stumbled over her words still trying to recover from the words Maura had spoke. " …I need to go see someone ... can you take Maura and Danny to yours and please keep them safe ... I will be with you in the morning...I will explain everything."


	12. Chapter 12

"How did you sleep dear?"

Maura was a little shocked to find Angela stood in Frankie's kitchen, "Oh hello Angela…" Maura tiredly pushed her hands into her the rear pocket of her jeans and shrugged, "not well really... however, Danny is still asleep thankfully so I am pleased about that."

"come and take a seat..." Maura did as directed and sat at the breakfast bar. "would you like a tea?"

"Thank you Angela." Maura placed her elbow on the counter top and then placed her head in her hands, closing her eyes a moment she sighed. Swallowing back her emotion, she tried to calm herself – moving her hands from her head, she began to play with the wedding band. Many moments passed and Angela allowed Maura the time un-interrupted as she went about brewing the hot drink.

With a softness only Angela could muster that still held control and stability of the situation at hand she placed the cup in front of the younger blond woman "there you go."

"thank you." Holding the tea cup she made no movement to drink it. She looked into the hot liquid, "I take it you had spoken to Frankie this morning?"

"yes he called me earlier, he said he'd spoken to Jane she'd asked him to go back over to your house to fix up the front window – he asked that I come over here to you and Danny. He didn't want to disturb you."

"so she has had time to call someone to let them know she is not dead in some ditch somewhere" Maura wished that she was able to hide the frustration and anger from her Mother in Law but she was too tired both physically and emotionally. Although it must be said that Maura did not expect Jane to call her considering everything that the blond had said to her wife last night. In blind anger Maura had said things she knew she could not un-say, said things she knew would hurt the brunette the most – she regretted how she'd handled land night and she wished she could re-do the whole day over.

"Maura what's happening?" Angela questioned, she took the stool next to her daughter in law.

"I wish I knew" A silence fell over the younger blond and her mother in law and before Maura could formulate any further words she felt tears well up into her eyes, then despite her best efforts they began to tumble silently down her cheeks. She wiped away the tears and swallowed deeply, "…god…Angela I am so sorry"

"Don't be silly" Angela ran her hand over Maura's back in an effort to offer comfort. "…don't you apologise; you have not had it easy this past year. I'm surprised you have held it together this long"

Maura laughed sadly, "I…I think my marriage is failing and I absolutely terrified" she explained honestly. She looked back into her tea, the tears continued to fall slowly and silently and Angela's heart broke. Wiping the tears and taking a deep breath Maura pulled back control of her emotions, "Oh Angela…I'm sorry I'm just tired"

"I know dear…" She made the decision to back off from Maura in this moment, she had known Maura long enough to know when she was upset she needed a certain amount of space. "I don't know what is going on with you and Jane but I know you will work through it."

Maura nodded her head, "I hope so…"

* * *

"Morning Ma…" Jane's gruff and exhausted voice filled the Livingroom and kitchen of Frankie's apartment as she entered through the front door and quietly shut it behind her.

Angela spun herself around from where she had been busying herself rearranging her son's fridge and her attention was now on her daughter, she moved towards the dishevelled brunette "Oh Janie you look awful. She pulled her daughter into an embrace, Jane's body stiffened as was normal when her mother imposed physical contact on her.

"Thanks for that Ma" Jane mumbled, she stepped back and ran her hand through her unruly curls.

"What's going on dear?"

"not now Ma, I'm exhausted…" She moved herself into the bar stool at the breakfast bar. Angela looked over her daughter, she looked pale and withdrawn. Turning to the fridge she took from it a chilled water bottle and handed it over.

"It's my job to worry Jane" She advised, "drink this"

Jane reached out taking the bottle from her mother. She offered a small smile showing her appreciation. "I know it is Ma… thanks." Standing to her feet she opened the bottle of water and took a long drink – it was refreshing and took away the stale cigarette taste that lingered. She needed a shower, she needed a slip but first she needed to speak to her wife. "How is she?"

"go and see your wife Jane"

Nodding her head, she knew that was her next step. Taking her water bottle she offered a brief smile of thanks and headed off down the hallway of her brother's apartment. She fiddled with the bottle – she was nervous about walking into the room and facing the woman who had previously been her confidant, they used to be a team and now Jane had never felt such distance.

Softly knocking on the door Jane entered, not waiting for an answer from the other side she walked in and found her wife sat on the bed in the spare room with their son cradled in her arms as she fed him. "Hey" Jane offered softly, shutting the door behind her she made no effort to advance any further, she leant back against the door.

Maura looked up at her wife, the first emotion she felt was relief at seeing the brunette, then concern at the state her wife was in, then an anger and frustration. Maura let out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding – "You look exhausted"

"I feel it" Jane responded, "How is Danny?"

Maura looked down at their son, "He's fine, he went down fine once we got here and he slept in later today so…" she stopped her rambling, she looked up at Jane, "…he's fine" she reassured.

"How are you?"

"a lot better seeing you standing here" she explained honestly, "I was waiting for a call…I was worried"

"I…didn't know what to say to you." Jane admitted, she placed the bottle on the chest of draws to stop her from fiddling with it. "Still don't if I'm honest"

Maura knew the feeling well, she felt the same. So much had happened between them over the last few days that she was exhausted physically and emotionally – she decided to avoid talking about their relationship for now and enquired "Do you know what happened last night?"

Jane advanced into the room and she took a seat on the bed in front of Maura and, reaching her hand over she ran her thumb over her sons small hand – she watched as he finished the bottle and Maura took it from his mouth. He had lulled himself into a sleep so Jane's voice was low as she explained "Well… I had a call from PD about an hour ago. We weren't the only ones who were targeted last night, they confirmed that they had two further reports of similar incidents through the night… it's linked with the case you gave evidence on last week – they arrested the defendant's brother earlier this morning."

"The Jenson case?" Maura questioned. That has been the only case Maura had given evidence on. Jane nodded her head, "So last night…that was…because of me"

Jane shrugged, "not because of you…because of some low life who got hold of our address."

"Wait… Jane…are you sure?" Maura questioned, she had spent all night and all morning focusing on her anger toward Jane for putting them at risk she didn't stop to think this could be on her.

"yes I'm sure" Jane moved her hand from her sons, she stood up from the bed, frustration filling her she balled her fist, her tone lowered to a growl "I made god damn sure that this information was accurate before heading over here… If I wasn't sure Maura, I'd still be out there doing anything I could to protect you." Jane took a breath, lowering her tone further and attempting to regain composure, regretting losing control of her emotions "despite what you think of me right now I do give a damn about my family. About you."

"Wait… wait…" Maura stood up from the bed herself, she walked over to the travel cot that had been set up in the far corner of the room and placed their sleeping son down. She then turned so they were facing, "I'm trying Jane"

Jane nodded "Yeah…so am I."

"I should never have said what I said last night, I should never have lashed out at you like that."

"I don't want to talk about it right now Maura. I just…I need a shower, I really need to sleep… and then I can try and process the last 24 Hours. You're safe… Danny is safe… that is all that matters to my right now. can we please just take our son home and then we will talk"


	13. Chapter 13

Having slept for a few hours and having spent the last half an hour under the hot spray of the shower Jane finally felt human again. Her mind was no longer racing and her head was no longer pounding. She was able to think with a level of clarity that she hadn't held in over 24 hours.

Reaching forward she picked up the hairbrush from the bedside table and tamed her curls as best she could. She stood from the edge of the bed she had been sat on and readied herself to face her wife. It felt good to be in a clean set of clothes – having chosen a pair of light blue worn jeans that she refused to let Maura replace with new along with a plane white t-shirt she left the bedroom of the guest house and headed toward the main house.

Jane had explained to Maura when they returned home that she needed space so she had gone into the guest house to catch up on the needed sleep and to shower. Maura had not argued with the brunette, she was trying her best to keep hold of her emotions throughout the ride over and she had been struggling and she knew that the last thing herself and Jane needed right now was another heated argument, so she had been more than happy for Jane to distance herself.

As Jane headed across the courtyard towards their home she was stopped by the sound of her wife, "Hey…" it was soft and uncertain, Maura was sat on the small table, clasped in her hand was a large glass of red wine. Glancing at the bottle on the table Jane decided Maura could not have been out here too long as the bottle seemed to only have had the one glass poured. "Are you feeling any better"

"I'm feeling human again" she explained walking towards the table she took a seat on the free chair on the opposite side of the small table. "How are you..."

"Honestly, thankful that Frankie offered to stay for the afternoon" Maura smiled softly. She took a mouthful of the wine and savoured it. turning her head she finally made eye contact with her wife, "He just took Danny out to the park – gave us some space."

"thank god for uncles" Maura placed her glass on the table and reached for the bottle, filling the empty glass that she had brought out for Jane. "Were you worried I was going to take off out the back gate… so you had to camp out here?"

Maura laughed softly, it felt good to laugh for a brief time, she then admitted "I couldn't sit in the silence of that house any longer, once Frankie headed out with Danny…I just…" Maura shrugged her shoulders – she handed over the wine glass to the brunette. "…besides, I wasn't worried about you taking off as your sat out here right now in your bear feet because you left your shoes inside by our front door along with your jacket and your phone on the kitchen counter"

Jane lifted the glass to her lips, taking a mouthful of the deep red liquid. She had kicked off her boots and shed her jacket within moments of entering the house in an exhausted daze. A silence fell over the two of them, both looked out over the garden, an awkwardness. "I don't really know where to start Maura" Jane admitted, "and I'm terrified what will be left at the end of this conversation." Maura couldn't reassure Jane as she was just as worried.

"Well, if we carry on the way we have been lately Jay..." Maura did not need to finish the statement, Jane knew exactly where their relationship was heading.

"I know" Jane understood exactly where they were, she knew Maura was right. The brunette forced herself to turn and make eye contact, it was the least the blond deserved. "You know I've been lying to you, about going to the shrink, about what I've been doing with my time, about…a lot of things" Jane looked to her hands, ashamed to be admitting this. Maura closed her eyes for a moment, hearing Jane say it made it real, it hurt.

"Why?" Maura pressed Jane to continue.

"It was easier than facing reality" Jane admitted. "I haven't been to the shrink, I haven't been coping, I feel like a terrible mother, a worthless detective and I've failed as a wife – lying to you, lying to myself…it was easier than sitting down here and admitting this to you."

Maura, although she was angry, could see the desperate sadness that filled Jane as she admitted to her failings and she needed to offer some comfort. Reaching out Maura took one of Jane's hands in hers, her fingers brushed against the scar from the Hoyte attack, a reminder of another hell that her wife had lived through. Jane had been through so much. "You're not failing Jane, your hurting, your grieving still"

"I can't let him go. Not until I make that Bastard pay Maur"

"and that is what you have been doing isn't it?" Maura questioned, firmly, "trying to make him pay?". Jane nodded her head, tears glistening in her eyes – unshed. Maura tried to stay calm but knowing Jane was putting herself at risk again, after all they had been through, was pushing her control to the limit. She'd had a feeling Jane was involved in of the clock detective work against the bastard who had already succeeded in putting her in a hospital bed hooked up to machines, who has already taken so much from them all, but now knowing it she felt like it was de ja vu. "What have you done Jane?"

"Since the funeral I have been working this case."

"What case Jane? There is no case…." Maura's tone had been steady, but then a surge of anger hit her, she stared her wife directly in the eyes, "god damn it why can't you let this go" Maura barked.

Lowering her head Jane pulled free her hand slowly, as she rested on top of the table both hands balled into fists. Her anger was filling her body but her mind willing her to keep control. "I'm trying Maura" Jane growled back through gritted teeth. "I'm trying to work through this… but…I can't …not knowing that James Grey is still out there. He's got kids running drugs for him through Boston, he's ruining lives and he's sitting pretty in his office down town so far away from the empire he is in charge of that we can't link a god damn think to him. He's going to mess up Maura – I know he will and I've been pulling in favours left right and centre to try any catch this bastard."

"Favours, favours from who Jane. Don't tell me Frankie and Korsak know what you're doing?" If they did Maura would be feeling doubly betrayed. She really did feel like she was reliving the night Jane and Anderson last left together. Maura did not doubt James grey was behind all of this, but Maura knew that he was not the sort to make a mistake. When they had gotten close to him before he had set up an ambush for Jane and Anderson, they just couldn't prove it was him behind it. Just like they couldn't link him to the whole operation. A confidential informant of Jane's had text her that night just as Maura has been dishing up the meal she'd cooked for Anderson and Jane following the end of their shift – the informant has asked to meet with them both and Maura had not felt good about it at all – she'd begged them not to go. But they felt like they were close to breaking this case. They had been leaning on the CI for months now and this was the pay off. Having left, reassuring Maura they would be home for desert, they headed to the place they always met – a bridge near down town, leading over to the factories and industrial units.

"I went to at first to Korsak but he told me to stay away from it. Said I wasn't cleared for duty… told me to go home and take care of my Kid and my wife. He told me to let them take it from here… and at first I did. Then I find out they pin the shooting on some nobody and the case runs dry." jane shook her head, "I couldn't let Anderson have died for nothing… so I picked it up again on my own but I needed someone to help out and I couldn't go to the team or to you – so…" She hesitated a moment, wondering if she should admit to this, she decided she had to. Maura was right and if they were going to get through this Jane needed to be honest. No more lies, "I've been working with Rich"

There was a moment where Maura thought she had heard wrong, "You were…working…with Rich…as in your ex partner Rich?"

Jane nodded her head, knowing exactly what she was admitting to, she reached her hand out taking hold of Maura's. "working Maura …. that's it…nothing more than working"

"You worked with him?" Maura repeated, "What like you used to work with him?" the doctor pulled her hand free from Jane's, "I recall how you two used to work together… correct me if I'm wrong but it usually ended up with you in the back seat of the car with him on top of you" the thought of his hands touching her wife, them both fucking away the reality of their lives made a bitter taste fill Maura's mouth. She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the images that were gathering, she reached for her wine in the hope to wash away the rage.

"Jesus Maura…you really think that I would move into this house with you, marry you, have our son and then a few months later go fuck around with Rich? Do you? It's not like that" Jane assured, her tone harsher than she had intended.

"I don't like that man Jane, and I do not trust him"

"I needed someone okay. I needed someone who didn't treat me like I was broken, or like I was crazy…" Maura stood up from her seat, unable to remain still she began to pace, her hand to her mouth as she tried to process everything she was hearing, everything she was feeling. Jane remained seated watching Maura closely, "I…I knew he would have my back and I needed that. I needed someone to have my back" she admitted.

"What about your wife? Why couldn't you come to me?" Maura demanded.

"You're kidding me right?" Jane couldn't believe Maura was asking her this. She finally decided to have it out – she stood to her feet and squared her shoulders "Last night you accused me of being the reason Anderson's dead. Accused me of putting you and Danny in harms way?"

"If I'm wrong…why were you so scared after our windows were put through last night? Because you know you are pissing off the wrong guy and he wont worry about hurting your or your family to stop you? Where did you go when you left here… to Rich?" Maura knew this was not productive and that it would more than likely push Jane further away but right now this was what Maura needed, someone to lash out on. She knew by Jane's lack of response that was exactly where she went. "Did it feel good going to him Jane? Did he have your back last night? Make you feel better after what I said?"

"I didn't go to him so he could make me feel better. Your right…I was terrified that someone was going to burst through that door in there" she explained pointing into the house "and grab hold of you and my son…kneel you on the floor in front of me and put a damn bullet through your head. I went to Rich last night and told him I was done. No more chasing. No more fucking suicide missions. No more hurting the god damn woman I love"

Tears began streaming down Maura's face as she held herself, arms wrapped around her chest. She knew what Jane had been through on that bridge and she knew what Jane was having to live with. She'd read the reports, she'd sat in the hospital, she'd watched the autopsy on Anderson. "I'm just scared Jane" Maura admitted, "I'm so scared that you're going to end up in that hospital bed again, or worse …on…on my table"

"Rich has passed the case on to a colleague he knows at the FBI…they are going to pick it up. Keep an eye on grey… I'm out of it. I promise you." Jane walked over to her wife, she took Maura's hand and guided her over back to the seats at the small table. Reaching her hand up she cupped Maura's cheek and used her thumb to wipe away the tears. "I've pushed back my return to work. I'm not ready. I re-booked a shrink – and I'd like if… you'd come with me. I want you there…"

Maura was a little taken aback by the sudden change, she'd been ready for an all-out war with her wife but this, right now, it felt like Jane was surrendering. Leaning forward, tears of relief now falling, Maura kissed the brunette again. Pulling back slightly so their lips were barely touching , Maura's eyes still closed, she spoke softly – "I love you"


	14. Chapter 14

_He was leaning back in his chair, boots rested on top of his desk as he threw a baseball in the air. A habit to pass the time. The two of them had been in the office for just over 12 hours now, the clock ticked its hand to mark 19:02. They should have been sat at Maura's dinner table 2 minutes ago._

" _Rizzoli our Lady is going to kill us...we are late for dinner." Anderson shot over the near empty room to the detective stood in front of the case board reviewing the information they had to date._

" _how many times... Maura is my lady Anderson... she just tolerates you" Jane growled in frustration, still not taking her attention away from the board._

" _well she sure as hell feels like my wife when she texts me to have ago about us being late. Maybe you should answer her texts ..." Anderson held up his phone as proof to Jane's back, the brunette turned to face him "she has sent to you three texts she says" he advised in a single song you're in trouble tone, "she is pissed"_

" _Oh damn..." Jane took her cell from her back pocket. Looking at the screen Anderson was right, "ok...point taken... we are late" she moved to her desk to retrieve it "so...late. Looks like this will need to wait till tomorrow"._

" _what will need to wait? we have nothing Rizzoli...we have had nothing for weeks. Just dead folk pilling up all around Boston and no one to pin it on." Taking his feet off his own desk he stood up, placing the ball down he retrieved his own jacket from the back of his chair, "it doesn't matter how long you stare at that board for its not going to change. We need a break and quickly because this thing is running cold."_

" _there is no way Grey is getting away with this Anderson. He is guilty as hell and all we need is for one slip up..."_

" _he is steps ahead of us all the time. And his legal team is half the size of BPD. Every time we identify a lead who will be able to link Grey or his company to this drugs and prostitution ring they wind up dead before we can drag them in here. We have nothing." He shrugged as he waited for the brunette to finish gathering her things._

" _we have JJ... he will pull through I'm telling you. I have been leaning on him for weeks now, he has been digging around for us... He will come through. I am waiting for his call any day now" placing her gun in her belt and resting herself against her desk she took a moment. Being pregnant was hard work, she wasn't even near the 9-month mark and she felt huge as a house and she was aware her walk had now developed into more of a waddle. Most of Jane's time was now spent in this office, on orders from Korsak who she was sure had been more than a little pressured by Maura to lay down the rules so harshly. The only time she had managed to get out lately was to meet up with her CI, and she knew he was her last hope with this case._

" _listen ... I have as much faith in your crack head of a CI than I do in you right now at getting us out of trouble with the Doctor. All I am saying is it's a good job we got the good wine for her."_

" _good job I got the good wine you mean." Jane replied as she typed a message back to her wife. Anderson took the wine bottle from Jane's desk in his hand, and with the other lifted Jane's backpack from her desk. "come on I'm starving" he bared heading out towards the elevator._

" _OK. OK." pressing send on the message that had assured Maura they were on their way and also blamed Anderson for their tardiness, Jane then followed her partner out of the office. "you know I haven't lost use of my arms... i am capable of holding my own bag." She grumbled. She was hating how pregnancy was making her feel so weak and useless. Was that why she wasn't able to crack this case? Was she too preoccupied with growing a human._

" _I know but I am not wanting to sit listening to Maura all night moan at me for not looking after you." The elevator had reached their level and the doors opened. He entered and Jane again followed. "don't worry I will let you drive."_

" _great thanks" Jane hit the basement level and the lift began its decent. As the two stood waiting to reach the parking level Anderson flicked through his phone, Jane appreciated the silence that came along with this action._

 _As the lift desended a tightness formed in Jane's side, the right hand side effects of her bump. She took in a sharp intake of breath and her hand moved to the site of discomfort._

" _hey... Jane you ok" the concern was instant. He placed the phone in his pocket and his arm moved to her arm. She now had his full attention._

 _Jane took a deep breath in, "yeah... I'm fine...think your sons hungry too" She joked. The discomfort still there. She must have been on her feet too long all day or when she had lifted those case files earlier maybe she pulled a muscle._

" _dear God ...let's get back to your wife. I don't need this stress" he joked._

 _With another breath sheet reassured, "I'm fine honest...just stitch. Not unusual. You know growing a human is harder than you think."_

 _The doors opened, and they entered the parking area. "I don't envy you Rizzoli" He moved in front of her, "come on...my car I'm driving... the kid needs a rest...and so do you."_

 _Jane did not argue._

 _The drive through the Boston streets were steady, despite the heavy rain. It had been like this all day, one of those dark grey wet days. "so... I know we will get killed if we bring up work over dinner tonight so let's get it out the way now... how's your junkie going to help us out? He really thinks he can get us an in?"_

 _Jane looked out of the side window, "yeah I hope so... he has contacts... this is a big pay day for him if he pulls through. We know James Grey is running the show... we know he is running the drugs in through his legitimate company delivery service into boston... we just need to know the time and date of such delivery and we will setup a sting. He is confident he can do this"_

" _I'm confident he's a screw up who will say anything for a couple hundred off detective Rizzoli for his next hit" Anderson turned off main Street and headed towards the home that Jane and Maura now shared. He hated relying on criminals for info but he knew just as Jane did this was their last shot. If they couldn't pin it on James grey the killings would continue, the drugs would litter Boston streets and the destruction it left in its path would follow. "I'm telling you Rizzoli... Grey is in the know. He has someone on the inside ... there always ten steps ahead of us" Anderson was beyond frustrated at not only the thought of a fellow cop being involved but at their lack of progress in this._

" _it's more than a couple hundred this time." Jane smirked knowing that would pissed Anderson off. She decided not to comment on possible assistance from a cop, that was until she had hard evidence._

 _Anderson pulled into the driveway and cut the ignition, "Rizzoli if you're paying this guy more than my monthly take home wage I'm done here and now" With a further laugh Jane exited the car, he pushed open the driver door and stepped out. "I am not kidding around" He retrieved the bag and the wine from the car and followed the brunette – still protesting._

 _Walking into house the smell of home cooking allowed the stress of a dead end case and 12 hours at her desk. Walking through into the kitchen Jane was pleased to have her wife smile at her._

" _About time..." The blonde shot playfully, she placed the tea towel on the counter to add walked around the kitchen island where she kissed Jane softly. Her hand rested on Jane's bump, "how was your day?"_

" _Better now I'm home" again Jane kissed her wife, "sorry he made us late...I couldn't drag him away from the files."_

" _lies Maura" Anderson voice broke the sweet moment Jane and Maura shared. "who text you back first Doc? Not the wife"_

 _Smiling Maura stepped from Jane's embrace and walked toward Anderson. "correct" Maura agreed, "you did text first. Thanks for getting her here"_

" _hey" Jane half-heartedly protested, she was more interested however in the food she was helping herself to._

 _Leaning forward Anderson kissed Maura on the cheek, "Thank you for feeding us" he held out the wine, "I picked you up a little something"_

" _Well thank you...this is very nice" Maura admitted the bottle that he passed to her._

" _all he did to get that for you is pick it up from my desk and carry it to and from the car." Jane informed, walking back towards her wife and Anderson she kissed Maura on the cheek "I'm going to get changed..." She elbowed Anderson on her way past._

 _He laughed as Jane left and he followed Maura further into the kitchen. "can I pour you a glass?" she asked referring to the wine._

" _I'm good for wine thank you. How about I grab me a beer and I will take over from the chief and finish stirring the pasta sauce... and I think you should go check up on Jane Doc"_

" _What is going on? Something happened?" the worry was instant and heavy in Maura's chest as she stopped stirring the food and gave Anderson her full attention._

" _she is fine apparently. She just seems to be in a little discomfort. She had a stitch in the lift or something...probably something of nothing" he reassured, "she has been taking it as easy as she can though... it could be she's allergic to desk duty" he offered with reassurance and a shrug. "You're the Doc tho"_

 _Maura nodded, "Well I think I will check in on her… you know I worried about her before now I worry double." Maura headed past Anderson and towards the stairs, as she passed him she placed her hand on his shoulder. "we're lucky to have you…"_

 _Anderson smiled, "You know…I think you only asked me to be you Baby Daddy so I could spy on her all day at work" He jested._

" _One of many reasons." Maura reassured him as she removed her hand and continued on her way. They had not so much as picked Anderson but more the situation found them. Once Maura and Jane had Married they knew they wanted a family – and they began the long process of finding a donner. As Maura headed up the stairs she recalled the countless meetings with doctors, and endless files of potential doners. It hadn't felt right for them. Anderson, seen as he spent more time in their home than at his home, had been witness to the process and a sounding board for both Maura and Jane's frustrations and concerns. Over time it had lead him to offering. Maura and Jane had discussed the option at length and decided having Anderson be the father of their baby was the ideal situation. They were happy to have him play an active role in the baby's life. He was part of their family._

 _Walking into their bedroom Maura headed over to her wife who was stood in front of the full length mirror. Her fresh shirt was unbuttoned and hanging open. "Hey you…so how are you feeling?" Maura couldn't help her eyes move over the brunette's body and rest on her bump._

" _I'm fine…"_

" _You had some pains?"_

" _God he has a big mouth" Jane growled. She began to do up her shirt, "not pains…just pulling…I'm growing a human here you know!"_

" _I know… that is why I'm stood here enquiring after your health" Maura moved herself between Jane and the mirror so that she had the brunettes full attention. She placed her hands on Janes hips. "J… you can't pull these 15 hour shifts day after day… you really need to look after yourself"_

 _Jane continued to do her shirt up, "I know…but I'm spending most my time sat at a desk…"_

" _Your spending most of your time sending yourself crazy over this case. I work in the same building Jane."_

" _You know I need to finish this case… then… I will be on 100% desk duty. The dull kind of desk duty where the only risk is a paper cut." She attempted to reassure._

" _I mean this lovingly J…but you look exhausted…at least take a day or two off"_

 _Jane shook her head, "I'm waiting to hear of my CI… as soon as the call comes in we should be in a position to move this case forward…then…I promise you…I will take some time off" jane moved her hand now her shirt was fully buttoned to Maura's cheek – she softly moved forward and kissed the blond lovingly. Maura was happy to oblige._

 _The evening continued without issue, all three were sat around the table finishing up the main course. "Maura this beats the frozen ready meals at my place hands down. Hopefully my date on Saturday will be as talented a cook"_

 _Maura smiled at Anderson complement, she lifter her wine glass, "Well thank you"_

" _Wow hold on a minuet" Jane cut into their exchange, "What date on Saturday…I know nothing of this date"_

 _Maura turned to her wife, "I have arranged for Anderson to meet with Jenny, for a few drinks."_

" _Jenny…really…" Jane sat back in her chair – her hands moving to her stomach as a smirk played on her lips, "Maybe then you can stop living in our guest room. Why didn't you tell me about the date"_

" _I don't have to tell you everything Rizzoli." Anderson stood to his feet, "now… allow me to clear away the dishes." He took the plate that was in front of Maura with his own, and headed to the kitchen._

" _Thank you" Maura offered, as she allowed herself to settle her attention on Jane – the brunette had closed her eyes, head rested on the back on the chair. Maura wished she could say that Jane was looking relaxed but she was not – she was troubled, the case was weighing down on her wife and Maura wished there was some way she could assist. She had done all she could to date however, she processed the bodies and passed over the facts._

 _Jane's phone sounded, a text came through just as Anderson had returned to the table to take her plate. She opened her eyes and pulled her phone from her pocket. "It's JJ" She advised now sitting up straight with anticipation. she read the text 'Call Me'_

 _Anderson rolled his eyes, "What does he want from you now…a warm meal and some of the post wine on top of his pay out?" he spat with sarcasm, "Your pinning too much on him Jane"_

 _As Jane stood from the table lifting the phone to her ear calling the number she'd received the text from, as she waited she addressed her partner "you haven't come up with a better idea... so until you do..." She moved away from the table statement unfinished as she took her call in the kitchen. Anderson sighed._

" _what's going on?" Maura questioned with concern._

" _if I'm as unlucky as I think I am we are going to have to leave here to meet her CI." Anderson shook his head in frustration, the case was starting to get to both Jane and himself. He placed the plate back down on the table awaiting Jane's return._

" _You are kidding me...u have both been working around the clock. This can wait till tomorrow surly?" Maura demanded as she stood to her feet – her concern was now an anger._

" _let's hope" he could see a mixture of emotion filling Maura's eyes as she tried to keep them in check "I mean I'm sure I saw ice cream in that freezer and I really want desert" he tried to lighten the mood, he failed._

 _Maura was angry, frustrated and concerned and was unsure how to process what was happening. She understood Jane's job, she understood the hours and the risk but it seemed Jane did not understand pregnancy. Running all over Boston 20 hours a day was not good for her. Before Maura could respond she was stopped by Jane's return._

" _Yes that's it... JJ pulled through. He has the info for us...details of a shipment."_

" _really?" Anderson asked her, a little shocked, he hadn't expected it to be that easy._

 _Jane nodded, "an early morning shipment, he wants to meet us out on the Boston industrial lockups. Usually spot."_

" _When?"_

" _now…we only have a few hours before this shipment comes in and we need to get as much info to be ready for tomorrow"_

" _No way… you are running on empty, both of you." Maura shook her head, "You can't go out there again tonight."_

 _Jane took a double take of her wife, Maura very really involved herself in Jane's job – as in getting in the way of the brunette doing whatever was needed to close a case – now however was different, Jane was carrying their child. "Maura…look all we need to do is head over to meet with my guy, get the info and we will head to the station. this could be it, the info needed to bring this to an end."_

" _Jane… you could barely be bother to lift your fork to eat earlier and now the two of you are going back out there. You're being reckless"_

 _Jane thought for a moment, then went again with her instinct, "We will be back before you know it…" she reassured, "A quick chat with JJ and then… back for the ice cream"_

" _If the info you are getting is right Jane tomorrow morning won't be the last shipment – there will be others. Please don't go back out there tonight" Maura was begging them both now._

" _Not that JJ will be able to advise us of." Jane growled, "I understand where you are coming from Maura I do…but I'm lead on this case and I need to make a call… and I have made it" she now looked from Maura to Anderson "I've been working on this plan for weeks – look tonight we go out, we get the info and we set up a task force for an early morning operation"_

 _Anderson thought for a moment, "Your right" he nodded, "We need to end this sooner rather than later."_

 _Jane nodded in agreement and avoided her wife's gaze, "I'll meet you our in the car – I need to grab my gun" she tells Anderson as she then turned and headed of up the stairs._

 _Maura shook her head as she watched Jane leave then looked to the remaining Detective "This is insane" she barked, "your both dead on your feet"_

" _I'll bring her back Maura I promise… in time for the ice cream if I can"_


End file.
